A bit of a let down to myself

I just Wana take the time to speak my piece, I am so far past the point of accepting the fact I won't be able to have a child, my SO and I have been trying for a whole year and still haven't had any luck, I've also been off birth control now for a year as of last month, I'd be on it for a little over 8 years, well we tried clomid for about 3 months I stopped it in June, so I'm not sure if the medicine is still in my system or even the birth control pillls that's causing me to have this problem, some months my period come on time like clock wirk, while other times, it's a little longer before it comes, can't say I have the heavy periods, just mostly bad cramps at times, I think I'm coming outta my denial state of thinking this month can be it or that month, guess it's just not time for me to have a child or maybe any time, I never thought it'll be this hard to even try cocieving, I know ppl say get on a diet, or talk go the doctor, but I'm just tired of hearing it I do all those steps and month after month still nothing...the best part is my SO is there for me so much to where he has to literally talk me out of my depression when I see the negative on the stick...I'm just sad of thinking I'm nothing, I can't even make another life...when all I wanna do is give him a baby and I actually be happy for something