I have a history of depression and have been treated for anxiety and mood disorders in my past. Before I found out I was pregnant I was considering going back on meds but I don't want to risk it now. I feel so alone. I don't know anyone around here and my boyfriend is always out and he was looking at escorts with his friend online and I found out yesterday and he made a lot of excuses and said he's sorry but he isn't. We have sex everyday. I don't even enjoy sex, I do it for him. He got high after work even though we had a prenatal appointment at 2. All he does is go out with friends and get high and spend his paycheck on bullshit. I'm the one paying bills and buying food and watching his daughter when he goes out. I feel so fucking ugly. The girls he was looking at weren't cute. What is the point in being with someone if I'm going to just feel alone anyway. He doesn't help me feel better when I feel depressed he just tells me to. Like, "just do things, it's in your head" I have no energy. I want to lay down. I want to not feel anything. I would honestly kill myself today if this baby wasn't growing inside me and dependent on me. This is all I have to look forward to right now. I feel no attachment to anything besides this baby and I'm so worried I'm going to be a bad mother. I have no support system, it just feels like me and my baby. I don't even feel real.