You know how your first appointment is supposed to be filled with joy and excitement? Well. That is not the case for us. Heartbreak. Loss. Sorrow. No heartbeat. Today was supposed to be 9w6d. Baby measured 9w3d. I don't know what to think. Was it my blood pressure that did it since I was working myself up? (It was 150/60) today at the doctor. I had a feeling it happened. These past few days I have felt "normal"; like I wasn't pregnant.

I want to take the pain away from my husband. He has wanted a baby for so long. This was our first time trying. Tried one month. No positive. Didn't really try the next and boom.

I have a prescription for a vaginal pill that should only take 24 hours or so. I am going to wait until the weekend, I think.

How am I going to deal with going to both of my jobs? At my full time, I have a friend who is 22 weeks. At my part time, one is roughly 4 weeks.

I have the ultrasound picture. I can't look at it yet. I want to get so angry. Scream, cuss, cry, rant, and rave. Break things. Destroy things.

I know you don't know me from <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a>. But if you believe in prayer, please send one up for my husband and I. If prayer isn't your thing, maybe a good thought or two.

It's been fun on here and I have truly enjoyed being a part of something so special and sacred. But I'm not going to end here. God has a plan for us. It just hurts right now.