Implantation or AF

AF is due on the 14th. I just saw some brown spotting and had some early signs so I decided to test yesterday. It was negative so I thought I'd wait a few days. My cycle has been off since since May with the mc. I feel like I don't know my body anymore. I desperately want a baby, so for the first time we used pre seed 4 times during my fertile window. Last month, AF showed her ugly face 5 days early and now it might be early again. I'm starting to give up and I'm not meant to be a mother. 😡😓😁