I'm not looking for comments or reassurance, I just really need to vent. So don't feel like you have to comment. Lol. But anyway.
I honestly love my husband. And I in no way want to leave him or be without him. But honestly, I don't even know if our relationship is worth it. I don't want to break up, mAybe I want to just get away from him and have some me time I guess. There just feels like there's no connection anymore. And not my fault. He doesn't even act like we're in a relationship. It seriously feels like we're roommates more than husband and wife. We don't hold hands. We don't kiss, who knows the last time we did. Probably 6 months. We haven't had sex in a while. (I'm guessing it's the pregnancy that has me all, don't touch me). I feel like he makes no effort towards us. It's just work, home, poop, sleep, and repeat for him. I feel like he just doesn't want to try anymore. I always try to look nice and do nice things for him. I ALWAYS make sure he is taken care of. But never anything sweet comes out his mouth or any romantic gestures or anything. Nada. And I understand completely that he's tired and wants to just chill when he gets home. I almost always have the house cleaned, laundry done, our son is taken care of and so on. So he doesn't have to worry. But I just feel like I'm a maid. And God forbid I POLITELY admit my feelings to him, bout everything. He gets defensive and gets mad at me and then somehow I start to feel like I'm in the wrong. I just don't know what to do about it anymore. I'm getting depressed and I don't like it. I can't keep ignoring my feelings. This has been long before I got pregnant again, so I know it's not the hormones. I can't talk to him, I Don't have any close friends or family to talk to. So I mostly just drive around and cry or clean until I'm distracted enough to forget why I was upset to begin with. Or just cuddle our son and bore myself to death with cartoons or jigsaw puzzles.