Not my "business" but opinions

I come from a blended home. 8 kids 3 his(my dad)(call him john) 3 hers, 2 theirs. "Her" youngest was 1 month old when my dad and her got together. We all met 1 month later. She was married but had the youngest out of wedlock. Mixed stories from all sides here. Her husband (jim) claimed him as his own even though he was his friends (jack). He paid child support for his 3 children and my dad was the only one working in our home so also providing for hers as well with no hesitation. My dad and the husband get along very well. My brother just turned 12 and it hasnt been a secret that his dad isnt either john or jim but was told by the mother his dad jack didnt want him. He calls both john and jim dad and due to mental instability she lost custody of her older 3 to jim 1 yr ago. She see them every other weekend and 3 hrs on wed during the school year and 1 week on 1 week off during summer. Well for his birthday he wanted to meet jack because (and he did want to meet him when he was 18) the mother told him if she gets jack to do a dna test and give his rights away legally then he can move back with her. Shes the i want to be your friend not your mother type of mother. It was great when i was a teenager but now as an adult it isnt so great. I took lots of care for all my siblings because my dad worked 2nd shift and she was really bad on drugs (hidden from my dad and would take complete credit on taking care of the household) she would sleep all day or lay in her room due to ppd on top of drug use. Something i havent said out loud is that i helped jim get custody. Anyways, she got ahold of jack and he decided he wanted to meet my brother. Ok great. Leaving out the part she was trying to be manipulating. After 2 weeks of phone time no person contact she sent her 12yo to a complete strangers house for 5 days 4hrs away. He seems very happy but oh boy is he angry. And the fact she told him and her other 2 kids that they have to keep it a secret from John and jim so she doesnt get put in jail. (When the judge granted jim custody she said that the bio dad no longer has any rights and john and jim can claim rightful parentage on him because they have been involved 100% together-yes there is paperwork on this) She hid it from both of them until she sent my brother over there and my dad asked where he was going and told jim what she was up to. Now jack wants parenting time. And jack bought my brother a phone and put the numbers in there as dad for him, John for my dad and jim for the ex husband. My dad came to me upset because he feels jack hasnt earned that yet but also that him and jim deserve some credit for jack just taking off and it should have been put dad jack, dad John and dad jim. She doesnt agree because thats his dad no matter what and is even telling my dad him and jim have no rights now because jack wants his role after 12yrs. And Shes pissed. Furious even. Because its not working in her favor. So she asked my opinion. (and yes i house all of them.) i told her 1.) he should have been put in counselling before all of this so he could adjust accordingly because he wont talk to anyone about what he is really feeling. 2.) if all 3 of them are to be involved like shes now saying after the phone fight then she should have gotten them together to discuss how things were going to go especially since the 2 that have been involved get along and co parent better then her in any combination. She lashed out and told me its none of my business and to stay out of it. Cool, i know its not my business but dont ask my opinion then. And the fact that they all stay in mine and my husbands home and my brother who used to be my sidekick now refers to me as johns daughter not his sister and tells me to fuck off and tell my dad jim and jims wife to fuck off because his dad wants him now so we dont matter anymore. I wont be disrespected in MY home. I know hes angry and confused about everything. I simply correct him and told his mother she needs to take care of this. I wont tolerate it. Because now my young children are telling me to fuck off because uncle can say it. Ummm i dont think so. And when i tell her to handle it before i do. No i dont hit them. She tells me to have john correct it because hes his dad and she doesnt know how to handle a 12yo boy whos that angry. UGH contradicting much. I guess i just needed to vent. But as other parents with mixed homes what would you do? Because i cant just let it be since its disrupting both households.

Miranda- she asked my opinion and i told her my brother should have been put in counselling. I told her that if her new goal is to have all 3 men co parent then she should have sat them all down and discussed how things should be done before having her child go behind their backs and go behind jacks back so they could all be supportive and help the child adjust. No family counselling.