I don't quite know who to vent to but I'm having a hard time. I feel like everything is crumbling and I'm all alone and doing it all wrong. I try to remain positive, thankful and actively finding ways to see the good side but the past week has been hard. I find myself thinking negative thoughts and ended up crying for over an hour after my baby woke for the 4th time last night, it isn't my sweet baby that is causing me to feel down but I'm hoping he won't feel it from me. I am a SAHM of a 4 month old. My hubs works full time and I don't have a car at home. We live on a gravel hill that is super steep that I literally can't even get a stroller down to go on a walk. I don't leave my house/yard...ever. I have 5 sisters but they very rarely visit and my two friends haven't came by in 3 months. I feel totally isolated and forgotten. We are so behind on bills and some weeks barely have food and I feel like it's my fault for not managing the house and money well. My sweet boy only naps for 15-20 min at a time and generally has a fussy temperament. I have no clothes to wear, I've been wearing my 2 pairs of maternity yoga pants on repeat and one just ripped down the crotch. I just feel a mess. I turned 30 a couple months ago and both of my friends and my hubs entire side forgot and my hubs gave me an envelope that said "happy birthday". I didn't tell him this hurt my feelings, I didn't expect gifts just done thoughtfulness. We have only had sex 2 xs since the birth bc I had a terrible 3rd degree tear. I feel some left over questions about my 43 hour labor and feel everyone is bored of it by now so I don't know how to process it. I just feel so alone.  I know I sound bratty right now, I am endlessly thankful to have my dream of staying home with my babies fufill end. But, I just can't keep it together! Ok. I needed to get it off my chest. I could keep going on forever but I'll stop.