Waking at 7 am to pee this morning.

You've got 10 clearblue digital and one first response.

Cup, where's the cup? Damn thing.... bladder too full to walk to the kitchen.... the toothbrush cup will have to do.... you need new ones anyways you think as you put the brush heads on a piece of toilet paper.

After rinsing the cup clean you sit on the toilet and drop it in between your legs, thinking why would I have rinsed it off at all... it just touched toilet water....

Making sure to lean forward just right....... you still get pee all over your hands somehow?!

The cup full of pee goes on the counter as you wipe and wash your hands getting ready to play with pee.

You arent exactly late yet... not yet by 7 days.... let's use the first response as a pawn. Two little lines. Or none at all, and we'll be done. You lie to yourself as you dip it in the cup and set the timer on your phone.

Looking around your bathroom you notice that you really need to do a deep cleaning.... some time during the night the cat took a pair of your underwear and put them in his bed. Cathole.... they're probably ripped to shreds by now.

3....

2...

1...

You check the test nothing.... well.... maybe something... is that.... hmm... you have to turn on your phones flashlight to see a teeny tiny Itty bitty line but you can't be sure so you grab two clear blue digital and dunk them in the cup.... If only you had more hands...

It take hours and hours for the results to come up. After all, time is realative, tight?

They show up within seconds of each other.......

Pregnant 1-2.

By now your significant other is sitting on the couch trying not to fall back asleep because he's got work in 20 minutes.

You smugly go out there knowing he said you were acting crazy yesterday and now you know why... (you can totally blame it on pregnancy, he doesn't need to know when hormones take affect.)

You sit in the lazy boy and he asks to see the tests. You throw him the pawn first, not looking closely he says, "ok now show me the positive."

You go to throw him the clear blue but your aim, or lack thereof, it hits the wooden pullout cup holder of the couch and you watch helplessly as he is splattered with flecks of your pee...

He gags, grabs some tissues and wipes off his face and removes his shirt... still gagging grabbing hand sanitizer and slathers it all over his face, he doesn't have time to shower...

When his eyes stop burning he looks at the test as you walk him over the other one, not risking throwing it again.

He says.... "It's going to be a boy." ........

😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒

...... I told him how everyone is having a good laugh at this and he Said,

"Tell the little people I'll remember them when I'm famous. I'll send them that smelly rotten flower stuff as a thank you,"

I said, " you mean potpourri?"

"Sure, everybody likes that shit"

.... Idk how to start a blog.