I had such a wonderful picture for got my birth plan was and how I would labor.

I had found a wonderful group of midwives who treated me like gold. Like best friends and family. They made me feel safe, and respected every wish I had, and that I wanted to be as natural as possible and let my body do it's work.

Time seemed to go on forever, and I passed my due date, which is normal for a FTM. But I was impatient, so I tried some tinctures from our herbalist to get things going. Nothing was happening still. So I allowed them to attempt sweeping my membranes, and they couldn't as I wasn't dilated at all. I came to be 40+6 and they ordered a standard BPP ultrasound at the local hospital just to make sure babe was okay. Baby was, but I had no amniotic fluid, and my placenta wasn't keeping up good work. I spoke with my midwife on the phone, and to my disappointment she told me I had to be induced that day. I was honestly terrified. I don't even take tylenol unless I feel like I'm dying. Id never even been admitted to a hospital.

Thankfully there were another group of midwives there that were familiar with and respected my ideal plan of a water birth.

I made it to the hospital, and discussed with the new midwife a plan to induce. To everyone's surprise, I actually went into labor on my own after arriving at the hospital! But just to get things progressing more quickly, I was given a folly bulb to help me dilate (REALLY PAINFUL btw), and oral cidatec (not sure on that spelling lol) a few hours later. 10 minutes After the oral pill, it seemed like I was thrown into the seventh circle of hell. I have never felt pain like that. I tried my best to endure it. I showered for what seemed like 2 hours, and after that seemed to not help, I made my way to their spa room with a hot tub, which was so nice and relaxing. I stayed there for about an hour and a half when things really got unbearable. I was screaming with the pain. I remember my best friend who was there by me the entire time, looking horrified and didn't know what to do. At that point in time I decided I'd had enough. After about 11 hours of trying my best, through the middle of the night with no sleep, I asked for an epidural. Something I never thought I would do. Once that medicine hit me, I felt better than I had that entire week! I was asleep within 10 minutes.

2 hours later my midwife woke me, asking if I was ready to have a baby. I said "oh my God, yes". And after only 15 minutes of pushing, I had my beautiful baby girl, Ocean Leona.

I share my story because I want all of you to never feel bad about giving in when you've given all you've got. And I will NEVER judge another woman on her choice for pain management. Sometimes our bodies give all they've got, and it's not enough so we need that extra help. Whether it's at the end, middle, or beginning. Regardless, we women have the power of carrying life into this world, and to me, that's amazing enough.

Love to you all 💜💚❤💙

My little girl, Ocean Leona

7.13 lbs

20 inches long

She's now 2 1/2 weeks old and the sweetest little angel.