i messed up

So long story short . I messed up really bad. I dont know if my husband and i can recover from this. I have been with my husband for 5yrs now married for 3 yrs. he is my second husband and i am his second wife. He and i knew each other from middle school reconnected and were dating long distance till he moved from another country to be with me. Early on in our relationship he had an "emotional affair" reached out to his ex and sent a lot of text messages about how he loves and her and wants her back and all. I was at the time here in the states working my butt off to get him here to be together. On one of my visits i saw the messages and needless to say i lost it. I broke it off and he worked tirelessly to get me back it was my first time in a situation like this and i decided to try and make it work. At the time during a heated arguement i said something to hurt him in the form of i should have slept with my friend when i had the chance. This friend is someone i used to see casually. My husband purely dislikes him and i guess he always had a feeling there was more to us than i was letting on. My trust for him was broken and it would take years for me to fully be able to believe he was all for me. Recently in our marriage we had times where he seemed withdrawn and i would make efforts and he would basically ignore me so in those lonely times i took comfort and was talking to my ex. Nothing inappropriate just mistakenly sort attention there . We messaged each other about mundane things but there were times he woukd try to reach to the past n i didnt encorage it. Last night my husband went through my phone while i was picking up dinner and when i returned after putting the kids to bed he went off on me . He drank a lot and was livid and rightfully so. I apologized several time but he cried and said i have stabbed him and he doesnt know how to find his way back home. I love my husband and i made a mistake in seeking comfort elsewhere. My question is is there a way back from this? I have never seen him like this before. Background his ex cheated on him (sex)so he had enormous trust issues. Also in our time of being married i have seen him chat with another woman who we went to school with. He denied it completely that it was innocent but despite me saying i wanted to see the messages he refused so i have had some serious reasons to doubt him as well.