3 days late! What the HELL???

I guess I'm just posting to rant but my god!!!! I have been waiting and waiting and WAITING FOR MY PERIOD!!! AF usually shows up 27-28 CD... I am CD 31.. I am freaking out. We weren't really trying but we weren't preventing as well! Now I'm cd31 my boobs hurt like hell I am getting tiny waves of nausea after I eat and I'm currently writing this with a headache!! I know I need to test but any one in my boat?!! Its so irritating when I don't have a pee stick handy!!!