no more funerals (vent)

To be honest, I feel like I'm going to lose my younger brother to nonsensical violence. He's not a perfect person, but he's not the monster they'll drag him out to be in the media either. I wish I could save him. We don't even really get along, but I wish there were more I could do for him so he wouldn't feel like he has to be in the streets. They put a warrant out for his arrest today and I hope they catch him. I hope they catch him because I feel like he's safer in jail. In jail I know where he is. In jail I know he's eating. In jail I know he has a place to sleep. I know rival gangs have a green light on his name and I'm terrified. Terrified of that phone call that my brother is in the hospital or worse, dead. He's only 20. He has schizophrenia he refuses to even be seen for. And the part that pisses me off most is he isn't stupid, anyone that knows him will tell you that. He just would rather do things "his own way" and he doesn't see he's making his way into an early grave. I want to beat it into him that he's worth more than this! He can do better! I blame my father for this. I blame my older brother for this. They're who he's always looked up to. Hell, they've even encouraged it. I blame myself for this because when we were younger and living with my dad and actually starving and no one would hire me, he started selling drugs to make sure we ate, and it's been downhill since then. We ain't always got along but he's always had my back. He'll get on the right track for a while, and then go back to doing dumb shit. I'm tired of going to funerals y'all. I cannot lose my little brother... sorry y'all. I just needed to get that out ain't didn't really have anywhere else to put it. Don't mind me.