I am going to try to explain what happened so bear with me. What a long and hard process this has been. I miscarried on August 22nd 2016 at 10wks a day before my first US was scheduled. The day went about completely normal. It was a Monday and I had gone shopping for my 15month old son. We had ran to several stores and I was so tired. My son and myself made it home and while I was going to the bathroom. I noticed just a tinge of blood. My hubs and I had done the deed earlier that day I didn't think much of it. As the day progressed every time I would use the restroom I would have blood. I called my mom who is a nurse practitioner and asked her and she said not to worry I was probably just spotting from sex. I felt in my heart there could be something wrong. I started cramping and still spotting I called my husband to come home from work. He came home and we decided to head to the hospital to be certain. We waited for a while and we were called back and blood work was taken and finally after hours of waiting I was taken back for  an ultrasound. At first when I looked at the screen I though maybe the baby was in a weird position because all I could see was a dark sack and no baby. She continued on with the exam and stated she would need to do an internal and that I would need to empty my bladder. As I was undressing and following her instructions I passed the first of many blood clots that would follow. I knew at this moment I was miscarrying I didn't need any more confirmation. Although it was further confirmed by the blood the flowed after the internal exam. The words no heart beat and missed miscarriage we spoken but I couldn't hear. All I knew is my baby that was wanted and so loved was gone. All my excitement wonder and anticipation for this new life was gone in an instant. Fast forward a week and my bleeding is worse and cramping like crazy. I passed more clots and tissue then I knew was possible. I was examined at my midwife office and told that I was still holding onto remains but that it will all evacuate itself. That Saturday after the miscarriage on Monday I began to have very bad contractions excrutiating contractions and I began to hemmorage. So much that I literally could do nothing but sit on the toilet I was bleeding so bad. After hours of more pain then I had ever experienced we headed to the ER. I at this point was saturating everything I sat on or near. I went into shock because of my blood loss and could not walk or bear weight. I was literally dripping blood in the floor at the ER before they pulled me back for an exam. I was given morphine and had blood drawn. While they were waiting on blood work I had to go to the potty and while sitting on the bed pan because I was too weak to walk to bathroom, I passed my baby with the placenta and sac still attached. I was so scared because I couldn't understand what had just happened and I Couldn't make out what it was. I was told that my uterus was contracting like it was to try to expel the remains that were left much like a retained placenta after delivery. I would have continued to bleed and possible infection had that not passed. While I am glad I didn't have to have a D&C because of the risk of uterine damage I know it would have been less mentally and physically traumatizing if it hadn't been so drawn out. I bled for four weeks and still have slight levels of HcG. My milk also came in so I am not sure what to do with that. It's all so hard to comprehend and really vocalize my sadness and grief. Nothing can put to words how painful it is to never get to meet or know that highly loved and anticipated child.