So it all started March 2014. I had gone 8 months and no Aunt Flow. Thinking oh my gosh am I pregnant?? 
Took tests… Nope not pregnant! So what is going on?? 

Decided to go to the doctors. This gentleman doctor told me we will do blood tests & ultra sounds. Ok great! Did the tests, go back to get results. “Oh we don’t have the blood tests you did, I’m sorry you will have to go and re-do them”. *sigh* no worries! 
Re-did them. Results - yup ok so I was told I have PCOS but I don’t have the symptoms? Well that’s what the ultra sound came out! The doctor tells my husband and I when you are ready to have children come back and we will start the medication and it will help to have a family! We thought great no worries!! 

In that time I told one of best friends what had been going on, she had said “take these vitamins, you’re period will comeback!” Sure enough next month it came back!!! 

Something tells me, something isn’t right…
We go back and found out the doctor we had seen wasn’t there anymore, but it’s ok! There’s another male doctor there that will help us. Go in and see him. The first question we get asked, “how old are you?” We tell him. And we said “we would like to start this medication to help us!” He replies “no!” ??? “You haven’t been trying long enough, and you both aren’t old enough” we asked can we please have a referral for someone to help us? “No I will not refer you!” “You need to try HARDER!” We left devastated and super upset! 
The week after, I receive a call the the receptionist. “ hi, the doctor needs your husbands details for this referral”… Ugh… What referral??? “Please come in and we will do one” So we go and get one…

6 months past and receive our referral in the mail. My husband can’t come in with me, so I ask my mum to come… Walk into this hospital scared but excited!!! This is the start of our family!!!! Sitting in the waiting room… Time is ticking away. A male doctor calls us in… Sits us down, before he takes his seat he slaps the papers on his desks and looks at me and asks… “Are you sure You’re not 16?” You have got to be kidding me!!!! I don’t look 16! And you can read on my papers that I’m 27!!!!! Because of that very first comment, I didn’t want to be there, and didn’t want to deal with this idiot!!!! He asked questions, which I’m fine with answering, but for some reason thought I was holding back and he was blaming my mum! Looked at me and said “you need to do blood tests and ultra sounds!” AGAIN REALLY???? Oh and you need to try harder!!! FFS. Next appointment is in 6 months. So I go do the tests again! But after that I never went back! I couldn’t deal with these dickhead doctors again!

Months pass, I decided I need to find a great woman doctor. My good friend had told me “go see this doctor she is amazing and she helped me fall pregnant!” FANTASTIC!!!! I book an appointment! My husband and I go see her! She is perfect!!! We had to do all these tests again, but in my head this was going to be the last time! So I was confident! Finally lets do this. Then she looks at my husband..“have you been tested yet?” He replied “no, no one has tested me!” Right lets get you tested too! So we go do these tests! This is it! We can feel it!!! 

So We go get these damn results! “Sir you are fine, you have very strong swimmers!” She says, “but Stacie you have a tiny dip in your uterus.” “This might be the reason why you aren’t falling pregnant!” She referred me to a gyno, and said “she will find out more and help us!” “But please come back and I would love to hear what she has to say!” 

So we go see this gyno, she checked me and says “I’m going to have to do an ultra sound” *sigh* again??? Seriously!!! Knowing she has the last ultrasounds from a month ago!!!! So I go get this ultrasounds! Please please please let this be the last ones!!!! It comes back and I have dip in my uterus…. Well derr! But then says “I would like to do an operation, a laparoscopy and I would like to check for endometriosis, and also put a dye thru your system to see if it’s working” Well time to freak out for me!!! Never thought I would have to go through this! Why can’t I just fall pregnant like normal people! 

The time has come… Walk into the hospital with my husbands hand in mine, with tears in my eyes because not sure for what’s about to happen!!! Nurses come in and out! Prep me for this operation… We sit in this room for 5 and half hours. Then the time has come my husband leaves my side, as my eyes start to fill with water, I’m super scared. I was never the one to dream of being someone who was normal or to be like the other girls, but these days I do!!! I just wanted to have a family! Have a cute baby bump! Go baby shopping! Buy cute toys! Watch them grow up! Watch their dreams come true! But here we go different nurses ask my name, birthday, and what is about to happen. 

I get pushed into the operating room, scoot over on to the table. Lay down, needles go in, my surgeon comes in asks “if I’m ok”, I stutter and say “yeah” mask goes on my face, I count to ten, and look up and the roof. And I’m gone…

I wake up by a different nurse saying my name. Instant cramp pain in my stomach, pain goes down my legs, and aches in my shoulders she asks “would you like a pain killer?” Yes please! 
I ask if she knew if they had found anything in my op? She replied “it says here you had a lot of adhesions but that all”
Adhesions… What the crap does that mean?? 
I go back in to the recovery room, my husband is there. A nurse asked “you need to walk and go to the bathroom, can you do that?” I did, but i was in pain!
I get back as I sit back down I felt like I was going to be sick! Nothing comes up, I get dizzy. 
I sit there for a while. She goes to get a wheelchair, because there’s no way I’m walking out of here. 
I get pushed out and sign out. 

The next two weeks I couldn’t walk, couldn’t move. Sat on the couch and watched so much tv. 

I go back to find out results. It comes out that I had huge infections, that were blocking my tubes. This is why I couldn’t fall pregnant. She had cleared it up, but it’ll come back. She tells us “there’s a small percentage that you will fall naturally pregnant.” I burst into tears, I can’t talk. “I suggest you should try naturally between 3 to 6 months, because everything will be clear right now, you have a better chance, but after that I think you should try <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> but even that chance is tiny” she continues to tell us! 
We walk out of there with myself in tears, get into the hallway and I feel my knees getting weak, I feel myself collapsing. 
I don’t know what to do, what a failure of a human I am! What a failure of a woman am I! What a waste! Can’t even have children!!! 
I turn to my husband and say “ I completely understand if you want to leave, go have a family with someone who can” 
But no he insists I’m staying by your side, we will get thru this!!! We will have a family. 

So now we are here… 4 weeks after the operation, I’m super sad still. 

But I have found this book Pregnancy Miracle, tell me that if we follow 5 steps we will be pregnant in 8 weeks!!! My husband told me to go for it! What can we lose! So I did, I’m reading thru it but I’m so confused…. 

Wishing I was just normal…