"just because it feels good doesn't mean it's okay"
So my boyfriend and I have been going out for over a year and a half and in that time we've learnt what feels good for each other and what doesn't. However one thing that I've noticed about my boyfriend is that he'll take any opportunity to touch/feel me, even when it doesn't suit me eg) bending over to pick something up, not wearing a bra and just laying on my back with my phone ect. It's something that we've talked about before as it makes me feel uncomfortable especially as parents can walk in at any time and of course it makes me feel like an object rather than a person but it seems to slip his mind every few months or so.
One thing about me is that I struggle to say "no" I wish I could but I don't want to make him feel bad and because of this I've found myself being cohersed into doing things and most of the time, having sex. Sometimes he can read me and tell that I'm not into it and stop but sometimes he'll start kissing my neck or rubbing me (aka things that'll turn me on) and we'll follow through doing the deed that to begin with I wasn't keen on but now I'll deal with it because it feels nice for me too.
Last night was different, I've got a shoulder injury and was staying over at his house for a few days it was a lot of touching and feeling but I was able to throw him off every time that is until I asked him to help me with taking my bra off. As soon as I turned around after he unclipped my bra he grabbed for my boobs and started sucking on them. I won't lie, it felt good, but it's not what I wanted and I found myself frozen and not knowing what to do. I wanted his help because it hurt me to do it myself but he just did whatever he wanted because it suited him. When he finished he looked up at me and I guess he could tell I wasn't entirely enthused by what had just happened as he immediately started apologising and sent me into tears. I quickly put on a shirt and a hoodie and sat on the opposite side of the bed. We managed to speak about it and I told him how it's not right for him to do this to me, that just because it feels good to me doesn't mean it's okay to do what he wants to me when he wants to do it to me, consent and communication is so critical not just on one night stands or your first time or not even just when planning to have sex, but whenever you are planning to take somebody else's body into your own hands.
Your body is a temple and should not only be asked when planning to enter it but also when exploring the architecture.
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