Too Young For Cancer

My baby boy was 18 days old when he popped a fever of 100.5. We took him to the ER where the performed a series of tests to try and find the source of his fever, which was most likely an infection of some sort. They had to put a catheter in his tiny penis, stick his tiny vein for blood draws, and tried FOUR TIMES for a lumbar puncture in his tiny back and by the end of it he was so tired and sick from screaming in pain all he would do was lay quiet and exhausted in my arms. 

He was admitted to the pediatrics ward while they started broad spectrum antibiotics. They had to rule out every other type of infection, whether it be an ear infection, blood infection, meningitis, etc. They believed it was just a UTI, but still all the tests must be run. 

The next morning they took him in for a renal (kidney) exam to make sure everything was functioning alright. The ultrasound pictures were taken and we returned to our room and awaited news from the doctor. My baby and I fell asleep, he in my arms, his father next to us. 

I was awoken an hour later to the room phone ringing. It was his pediatrician. 

My baby was 19 days old when his doctor told me they discovered two masses on his adrenal glands above his kidneys. I couldn't hear anything else he said. My face felt hot. My ears were ringing. Somewhere in his explanation he said it may also be that his adrenal glands hemorrhaged during birth since it was a stressful delivery. They just didn't know. 

I don't even remember what happened next, I think I just switched into autopilot mode while we prepared to be transferred from our small hometown hospital to the medical university an hour away. I couldn't reconcile the fact that my perfect newborn baby boy who hasn't had a chance to live yet, might have cancer. 

It is a truly bizarre sight to see a baby in his car seat strapped to a stretcher as we walked to the ambulance. Everyone we passed beamed at him saying "awe how precious!" And the like. I could also see the deep pity in their eyes as they thanked God it wasn't their child. 

We arrived at the medical university, the EMS team gently unloaded my baby into his new bed. The metal crib looked like a cage and he was this little bird in the middle of it, eyes wide as he took in his new surroundings. Immediately the room was flooded by teams of doctors and nurses hooking up his new IVs, taking his vitals, closely inspecting every inch of his newborn body. I was asked repeatedly why I brought him into the ER last night, what tipped me off that something wasn't right? He was just warm, and I thought to check his temperature. That's all. He was behaving like any infant would otherwise. 

 

They discussed his treatment plan as far as the infection went. There were still more tests to be done to make sure it was just a UTI and nothing more serious. They also had to do more scans to figure out was these masses were on his adrenal glands. It would be a lot if anxious waiting for the next two days. 

So here we are in what is possibly one of the saddest places in the world, the pediatric oncology unit. A place I never fathomed I would find myself in. The staff is bright and cheerful. The nurses dote on him and are kind to myself and my fiancé. It's nice to be in the room with my baby, I can hold him whenever he cries, feed him when he is hungry, change him when he's soiled, look in on him whenever I want. It's hard to snuggle because we have to be careful of his IV. But we are here and we are doing this, whatever this nightmare is. 

As of now, we are still waiting for answers. He seems to be responding to the antibiotics, now behaving like the baby I've just started to know. I pray none of you reading this ever have to experience this yourselves. I'm exhausted, I haven't been able to cry. I'm just waiting for a miracle ending where the doctor tells me there was a mistake and those are not tumors in his body. That his infection is treatable and we can go home together soon. That's what I hope for every minute of each day. 

I apologize if this story is hard to read. I've been part of this community from nearly the start of my pregnancy onward. I celebrated with you all when he was born September 2nd. I just needed to share my experience so far, to get it off of my chest. There is somewhat of a related backstory to this in which I may share another time. But thank you all for reading this.