Soooo... here it goes. My fiancé lives out of state at the moment because of his job. We get to see each other every few months but we make it work. So when we do get the chance we are very sexually active. My body has acted really weird to some birth control methods and I am a full time student and struggling to make ends meet so I haven't even thought about looking into getting a doctors appointment yet. So because of that we use condoms. But he hates condoms. And I know this is common with guys and they usually just have to get over it because sex is still sex with a condom right?:) but my fiancé is very persistent. He will come up to me push me on the bed get between my legs and grind on me until we are both extremely hot and bothered and that's when he decides to tell me he doesn't want to put the condom on. Or we will be talking and he will ask me: "so if we have sex with the pullout method and I'm about to come would you notice if I just got a little cum in you?" I know he's just kidding and he's trustworthy but it scares me. Or we will actually be having sex and I tell him to put a condom on and stop poking around I want to use condoms, and he uses my horniness as a way to see if I STILL do infact want to use a condom. And what's worse is that I go along with it and I hate myself for it. But I feel like he uses my sexual vulnerability and my want for him too not use a condom which also makes this my fault. So now I'm thinking about telling him not to get me a plan ticket to see him until I can afford a doctors appointment and a prescription for birth control. Am I appsolutly cold hearted for doing this? I mean, he is my fiancé after all:( I feel aweful about myself and I'm wondering if there is something wrong with me or him because our self control is nowhere to be seen! I also feel kind of offended... is sex with me using condoms really THAT BAD for him?! He was my first... i just want a few months of not having the anxiety of taking pregnancy tests because we where not careful enough. I feel cold hearted and I know he feels heartbroken that I don't want too even see my own fiancé after months because of our sex life and lack of control but I honestly didn't know what else too do! Am I blowing this out of perportion? Have I gone crazy? Did I do the right thing? What do I do?:(