What's wrong with me?!

Question

Please tell me I'm a bad person. I need to be told.

I'm married, but I have been having dreams about cheating on my husband. I even find myself day dreaming about having an affair with a man I work with.

Wtf is wrong with me? My marriage is I'm shambles and I'm miserable. But that's no excuse to have these thoughts. I don't know what to do anymore.

Answer

I would highly, HIGHLY recommend seeking marriage counseling. It's easy to let problems fester and not really know how to adress them healthily, and a professional third party can make a huuuuge difference. My husband and I sought counseling from our pastor and his wife when we were a complete wreck, and it was amazingly helpful.

I'm sorry you're so unhappy in your relationship, and it's not abnormal to be tempted. What's wrong, however, is allowing yourself to entertain/linger on those thoughts. Being unfaithful will not make you a happy person. It's easy to fantasize about some new romance, but that's how those feelings of dissatisfaction lead you to do something terrible, rather than allowing you to fix what you have.

If we didn't have God's strength to rely on, my husband and I would have been done long ago. It's important to own your weaknesses and look for a solution, rather than despairing. I'm so sorry you're suffering, but you are not alone!

Answer

I'm guilty of that myself, it lasted for about 2ish years (I have a daughter with him) the daydreams, not wanting to be touched by him for weeks, feelings of frustration all the time.. Basically I had an existential crisis. There's a whole stir pot of ingredients for that recipient to happen
If its simple things that can be fixed like constant nagging, procrastination, hermit crab, etc... fight for your marriage but if its more serious as in he's drinking too much or threatens/belittles you well then consider saying goodbye now before you have children, then I would be harder.

Answer

I think that if u feel like you're a bad person for having the fantasies you are having it is because deep inside you , you still love your husband and want things to workout between the two of you . Try having a serious talk with him , tell him how u really feel . I wouldn't tell him about the thoughts of infidelity . 
But more of what's wrong that u feel is drifting you apart . Try doing more yourself to re candle the marriage . 
Try spicing things up , try doing something different , I'm a week from getting married and my grandmother had thing serious talk with me on how I should attend my husband to be . 
She said . you must always keep a clean home , a good meal , and make time for your self to look good for your husband . Do not ever think it's okay for u to bum it just cuz you are married , I'm not saying be all glamorous all the time . But , shower , brush your hair and smell good and look pretty . You must always try to look pretty for your husband . You must always serve him like a king for him to view you as his queen . 
My grandmother who has been with my grandfather for 59 years !

Answer

You're having dreams of cheating most likely because you ARE so unhappy. It's nothing to be ashamed of, because you can't control it.

I always recommend counseling when things are bad. Having a third party to help you work through things can be so helpful. Either a counselor or someone from your church if you're religious could really give much needed perspective. If he won't go, go by yourself. You deserve to be happy. *hugs*

Answer

It's not bad to dream as long as you don't act on it. Your dreaming those things bc your not happy. Do you want your marriage to work? Do you want to still be with him and do you still love him? If so then go to counseling together and individual sessions as well.

Answer

Sounds like you either :
1) need to focus on your husband, date, make love, reacquaint yourselves with one another
Or
2) get a divorce

Answer

Tried counselling?

Answer

If you're that miserable just get a divorce...it sounds like it would be best for everyone and if it's inevitable, better to do it now than waste time. Unless you want to try to work it out, but it doesn't sound like it. If you haven't acted on your fantasies you aren't a bad person.

What's wrong with me?!

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