I have 2 kids

My fiancé got me pregnant for the fourth time (second pregnancy ended in miscarriage) and he pressured me to get an abortion, and I wanted the baby I already loved it but because he and his family didn't think our family was ready for another. I got an abortion. After I got an IUD I was ecstatic I hated him for making me abort a baby I already loved, and to make it up to myself for allowing it to happen, I enrolled in college and started a workout schedule.. then I went out for some drinks with my fiancé and we had fun, two weeks later we asked his mum to babysit and went out again.. I think I obviously drank to much and was hungover the next day. BUT! Here is where things get crazy for me I stayed hungover for a month I thought I had alcohol poisoning so did my other half (it was my second time getting drunk ever), neither of us knew how I was with alcohol in my system. Anyway suddenly I wanted peaches and raspberries which I knew wasn't right (my pregnancy go to) so I took a test.. I was pregnant, went to the doctor and it turned out I got pregnant while I had the IUD in. Of course I'm fertile when I don't want to be.. my fiancé said he wanted me to keep it and I just kept thinking 

"How dare he, try to make me keep a baby I never wanted or planned or hoped for?" 

"I'm still mourning the child I actually hoped for and loved" 

"I hate him!, for making me do this to him."

"I'm enrolled in college and the fetus would be due in April and my course ends in June, I'm going to fail if I have a baby 3 months before I finals" 

I got an abortion for the second time and I didn't tell him until just before I went in, I was nervous of what his reaction might be. But I knew I did not want a baby that would hurt me more than an abortion would, I didn't even cry( the first abortion I was a wreck) I felt stress free and finally rid of the world I had on my shoulders. 

But here is my wonder

It's been a month since my second abortion and suddenly I yearn to hold babies I seen on tv we all know how it starts, I have baby fever.. wth is wrong with me?