10 days pp from csection and I cannot handle this sadness I've been experiencing but I'm not ready to try medicine yet. My doctor knows and said so far its all normal hormonal changes. It comes and goes and if I don't feel sad I feel just blah and emotionless. It physically hurts. I hate that this time 2 weeks ago I was pregnant and over the moon with excitement for our baby.

I had a scary, stressful pregnancy.. 2 hospital stays, mild preeclampsia and bedrest, lots of doctors appointments, finding out our little girl was going to lose a kidney, and delivering 3 weeks early. Despite all of that I was so in love and excited to meet my baby. I feel like I'm mourning my pregnancy in a way. I miss things feeling her kicks and seeing my belly grow. My husband and I have been together 6 years and married 1 year and I'm also mourning our before baby life. And maybe mourning isn't the best word but "adjusting".

I felt so connected with our LO when I was carrying her and even when I was in the hospital but once we got home it's disappeared. I feel like I'm getting robbed from enjoying this amazing experience..that my hormones are betraying me. I feel inadequate as a mom and wife. Our baby was planned and we were ready and now I feel like maybe I wasn't. There's times I don't even want to hold the baby. I want her taken care of but I find myself wanting my husband to do it or my mom. And it absolutely breaks my heart...