Spanking.. how do you feel about it??

Question

I know this is controversial. My parents spanked my growing up. I lived in a strict Italian family. Nothing crazy just on the butt when I didn't behave or fought with my brother. My dad never did though, it was my mom. My husband grew up in a strict Hispanic household and he was spanked. He thinks he it kept him in line. But I've been a nanny for 9 years and I saw both parents punish their kids with spanking and those who didn't. The kids behavior didn't change. Kids will be kids. So I'm not sure if it's worth it. I don't think I could spank my children (then again she isn't born yet) but I'm wondering if times are different and parents don't do this anymore. And if you have children how do you discipline them?

Answer

I was spanked as a kid but I have chosen not to spank my kids.  I have a daughter who's almost 5 and she's never been spanked.  She is pretty well behaved and doesn't get into trouble much.  If she does she either goes to time out, goes to bed without her stories, gets something taken away, or lectured.  She acts better than some of my friends kids who are spanked.  To me it takes a lot more patience to use other disciplines than to just spank. And I don't feel like she would learn as much from spanking then if I talk to her and she has to wait out the punishment and think about what she's done.  To each their own! I understand you gotta do what you gotta do.  This is just my personal opinion/choice.

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I read the literature on the topic and the studies show its ineffective for several reasons, so I choose not to and encourage anyone to read legitimate articles on the issue.

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My parents were firm beleivers in physical punishments, but they didn't just spank, they were physically abusive (punch, slap, beat up and threaten etc) I refuse to be like them, Ive got 2 boys and have found the best way is talking to them about what they've done (they're older now so they understand and listen), we've taken away privileges if necessary like TV privileges if talking to them about it didn't work (3 warning system after talk), those two are always all that's needed. I've only spanked when they were younger and tried running across a road after ripping their hand out of my hand in a tantrum, which was EXTREMELY rare (maybe once or twice ever). My boys are very sweet and caring and loving, I think smacking is un-called for for my boys.

Answer

I don't think I can say I was spanked. My mother was quite abusive so it was physical assault literally and emotional abuse. I grew up being a very angry child and I used to take it out on my younger sisters. I was timid and lacked any kind of confidence but of course I was being abused, it wasn't spanking. My younger sister was a total rebel, she would do whatever she wanted, to her it was a few minutes of beatings, she'll cry and forget about it but she still got her way. She thought of it as a price to pay for a small moment of her happiness. I don't think spanking is effective, I don't hit my niece and nephews, they just have time out, or no chocolates or ice creams. I know when my little one grows to a misbehaving age, I will just be taking her privileges away, time out, early to bed or no sweets. I think it's much more effective when children are spoken to and explained that their actions weren't appreciated. Plus, I hated being beaten, I wouldn't want to put my little girl through that pain. Someone who loves you should never hurt you, and I want her to know that I will never deliberately cause her any kind of pain.

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This is in the wrong group.

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Nope not the right approach for my kids. I have better results taking away privileges and using time out. I also have made my kids do push ups for being disrespectful. I feel like corporate punishment is damaging to the parent/child relationship as well as their character and self esteem. I love my children and have only smacked them across the butt if they've done something dangerous that could hurt them (ie taking off from me in a parking lot) I was abused as a child and often was beat on "just because" I don't want my children to be afraid of me I want them to be comfortable with me and know that I'm there to guide them and teach them the right way.....not to hurt them or give them any reason to fear me.

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Nope! I don't believe in it. Time out, positive reinforcement and withholding privileges.

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I do not think hurting a child is a good way to teach them a lesson. It shows the I'm big you're small you don't do what I say so I hurt you. I was spanked as a child and it bothers me because I will never spank my children. Kids are a lot smarter than you think and talking to them and figureing out why they are misbehaving could solve the problem.

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I try talking and using other methods first time out taking things away and so on. But if they continue the behavior then I will spank them.

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We were growing up. Don't have kids yet but I wouldn't be against it. Guess I'll have to wait and see what type of personality they have to know if it would be beneficial or not.