Never did I plan to fall in love at the age of 18, but I did.

Never did I plan to get married before 30, but I did.

Never did I plan to become pregnant at 19, but I did.

Never did I ever plan to be a mommy, but I am. To my beautiful little boy of 7.1lbs and 20 inches long, September 27th 2016 your daddy and I welcomed you into this world.

My whole pregnancy I was nervous for a vaginal birth my body being so little, so never did I plan for a C section.

On Monday September 26th I was sent in to be induced at 41 weeks pregnant, I had already started having mild contractions but wasn't effaced and had only been dilated to a 1 for over a week.

we began the process at 6pm that night with the medication that needed to be in for 12 hours, I was very nervous and extreme contractions began around 3am September 27th, they began IV medications to keep me stable until my 12 hours were up and they gave me my epidural. Needless to say I was quite nervous, after hours I had only dilated to a 4, my catheter had to be pulled and given a new one it was painful for me. Around 6cm dilated at about 4pm September 27th I had met a very concerned midwife, nurse, and doctor who rushed in immediately to notify me my son's heart rate was not doing what they thought was safe (after having broke my water an hour after my epidural ) so they continued to tell me I needed to go in for an emergency c section. I began to cry because never did I ever think I'd have to endure that. As we were discussing this his heart rate began to do exactly what they'd been looking for the whole time, they then decided to take off my tummy monitors and vaginally insert a monitor on his head and one for my contractions as well. We waited until about 6pm when I was measured for dilation and was told I was at 8! Yay!(: but the doctor felt and said it only felt that way because my baby boys head was stuck almost halfway through and he was face up not going to make it through the canal. They then called for the emergency C section, I was numbed my husband was gowned up, my parents were escorted to the waiting room, and I was crying and praying to God to keep me and my boy safe.

Rushed into the room, the surgery began immediately so fast they forgot to get my husband about 20 minutes into the surgery did they then remember to get him, my anxiety was terrible and I had stabbing pains in my lungs and chest the entire time. I could feel every pull, push, squeeze, cut, and pressure they gave me. During removing him his heart rate went from 150bpm to 35bpm to 100bpm back to 40bpm and they rushed him to NICU where my husband had followed shortly after him walking out the door my heart rate dropped and they began chest compressions as I could hear them discuss how much blood I lost and how concerned they were. Finishing up my surgery usually takes roughly 20 minutes, I was in there for over an hour with complications I can't remember because I blacked out. I did wake up to the sound of my insides being cauterized and then being stapled shut.

I wasn't told about my baby's heart problem until 2 hours after my surgery in the recovery room where even my family and husband had no idea anything was wrong. I was groggy and loopy, when I was told and barely able to comprehend them telling me what was wrong with him, valves and things in his heart that should have been closed upon birth were not, and that made for the dramatic BPM in his heart rate. They told me I couldn't hold him I barely got to see him before being brought to my own room. I showed no signs of recovery for 3 days, I was in constant burning pain, with stomach muscles that would cramp on their own and refuse to release, my stomach was descended and didn't want to release any pressure. On day 3 the doctors finally decided to tell me my blood levels had still been dangerously low and they were to begin blood transfusion, and that they were so concerned about my blood they were giving me 2 bags instead of 1. After those bags of blood on the 4th day I could finally be able to hold my baby boy, who had been brought up to my room 2 days prior, where my husband and family had been taking care of him for me.

Never did I ever think any of this would happen to me.

Never did I ever plan for all the pain, and tears and the battle to recovery for myself I've had to endure so far. The recovery road won't be easy, it won't be fun but I'm more than willing to do it for my baby boy... I fought to survive to be here for my baby boy, now I'm fighting to recover and I'm fighting through post partum depression. Never did I plan for my body to look the way it does, I'm disgusted in the mirror but it's for the most beautiful and magical blessing I have in my life. And no I don't regret anything I've gone through to get this far. I love my son so much and I'm thankful for him every day. I'm also thankful for my husband who takes care of me and looks after our son when I'm in too much pain to think about moving. I'm truly blessed in this world.