The first couple months was a bit agitating as I got a series of repetitive questions that I not only felt was a bit personal but also not conversation starter material. 

I had high hopes of breastfeeding my son, even after being told numerous times that sticking your boob in your baby's mouth is not how it works, there is more to it! "Does it come with an instruction manual ?  No? Hmm okay "

There's even a whole new course you have to take up on terms just on breastfeeding .. like  ;

• Colostrum 
• Engorgement 
• Hindmilk 
• Lanolin 
• Hand expressions 
• Let-down 
• Lipase 
• Prolactin 
• Rooting reflex
• Nipple shields 

There's even recommended ways to hold it !!!! (The baby) just kidding lol it's not an "IT" 

but let me be serious right now. Aside from all the hormonal breakdowns and constant guilt trips, there's no other amazing feeling like being told "awww you couldn't breast feed that sucks" 

(sarcastically speaking obviously)  

Yeah because my son will starve for the rest of his life and he will be deprived of all beneficial nutrients, he will be picked on in primary school, & he will suffer from acne for his entire teen years. 

Just because I couldn't breastfeed. 🙄😒

I started to begin to think that I wasn't fit for breastfeeding, mainly for the grand reason why I couldn't in the first place.

My chest berries.. 

They took some real beating during my pregnancy. I mean the transition was so real that it sort of gave them a temporary cosmetic rearrangement , like the shaping was so off , one of my nips looked like it got chewed up while the other looked like a tip of a banana peel 🍌 yaaaaack

So this made it totally difficult for my JoJo to latch. He became very frustrated. We tried EVERYTHING!  The hand expressions I mentioned up there, different positions the o'l nipple shields, nada.

I felt so bad, my son spent like 4 months warming up for some tata milk, practicing his sucking motions while "eye of the tiger" played in the background. He was ready! And I felt like I failed him 😩

These were the thoughts running through my head, I felt like like a half ass, I did the baking but couldn't top it off by breastfeeding. 

& to have older woman (mainly) try to invite me to a pity party because I couldn't breastfeed. I was a mess.

When my son started to plump up from formula feeding and hubby & I would get praises from his pediatrician that we were doing a fantastic job and he's growing so nicely, I stopped beating myself up. I started to appreciate my body more for not rejecting the pregnancy and playing a great oven as my bun baked. 

Yes I could of pumped and bottle fed but to be honest, the stress and negative energy had a huge affect on my milk supply. Some days I'd get a good amount of oz some days I'd get a drop. 

But anyways! My son is as happy as can be with his formula and he's doing just great!!