So i was in the military for 6yrs, joined at 17 left for Iraq when i was 22, was there for a year. Any woman can relate that being in the military is not easy. Nor was being overseas especially at a young age. I came from a broken family but was blessed by finding my then boyfriend now husband. We have been together for ten years i am now 30. It was our 2nd year dating when i left. It ripped a hole in my heart to leave him because he was all i had. Coming home for my two week leave was rough. Between waking up in the night from night terrors about spiders and bugs, jumping everytime i heard a loud noise, i was timid and didn't open up u til probably week two of being home. When i had togo back it was that initial gut wrenching pain all over again. I said i wish id never went home it hurt just as bad leaving the 2nd time. When i got home from Iraq it took a bit to adjust. I noticed over time that i could not be alone at night. It started with him going to lets say a basketball game, or a base ball game, or even one time was to his cousins to help him move in or something. I would get panic attacks. I started to see someone and through many talks i was diagnosed with PTSD.  My condition got worse over the years to the point that we are never a part at night. I think since Itaq we have been a part at night maybe three times (for bachelorette/bachelor parties) for our wedding and two of his cousins. Of which for mine i didnt sleep and was on the phone all night with him. For the ones where he left i had to self medicate (prescribed by my dr of course)to be able to make it through the nights. People say im silly its not a big deal; why my ptsd is in this form to the point where at night i cant be alone....i have no idea. I was told its a mix of everything from Iraq being manifested into being afraid of being a lone at night, and my night terrors. Now as i get closer to my scheduled c-section I am starting to get anxious about my hospital stay. My husband already said he will not leave my side at night; he is an amazing husband. I dont know why i am starting to get scared. Im fine with the baby, bringing her home etc not worried about taking care of her. I just don't like feeling trapped and i was told id be at the hospital for 4days. Its starting to get to me. Its hard to talk to anyone about any of this and i know my husband listens and takes care of me but at times its still hard for him to understand what I am feeling. Just had to get this off my chest hoping it will help me sleep better tonight.