Oh Hell No.

-Cree.™ • 💕Mama Bearr. °°👣4/2016 & 12/2016 👣°° 🍄Pro-Cannabis.🍂 Surfer.🏄 Writer. 🎓 {Mrs. Roberts est. 4.20.15} 💋

Hey. Second time mom here. My first bub is 17 months going on 18 and he is getting a little brother within the next 7-8 weeks. I was really excited about having my two boys so close in age--dressing them alike and such, having cuddles together and all that jazz...

But then...

My friend brought her one month old baby girl over to visit for the first time since she was born, and she was magnificent--I just had to hold her and love on her. My son was on the other side of the room playing with toys and such not paying me or my friends any mind, but then I went to pick up the little baby girl...

And that's when shit got real.

My son dropped everything and stared at me dead in the face. I said softly "come here baby, come see." He took in a huge gasp of air--AND THEN WENT TOTALLY APESHIT.

Now, when I say apeshit, I don't mean regular baby apeshit--I mean like--this kid went HAM. He made just about the saddest most twisted up face ever and just tossed his head back and SCREAMED. His back was arched up, his hands were shaking and his limbs were all petrified stiff--you would think I was running a chainsaw next to his face. He was mortified. I just kinda sat there, holding my friend's baby, totally confused and thinking he would calm down within a minute or so.

Then it got worse.

My friend's baby started crying (shes a newborn so to me, her cries were so tiny and cute), so I started to comfort her, and then my son really lost it. He cried and screamed, and his body just started convulsing, like he was being electrocuted or having a seizure. I handed my friend's baby back to her, and rushed to him, thinking something was really wrong. He was purple from crying so hard, gasping and choking on his tears and snot. I picked him up and hugged him, trying to soothe him. But he just wouldn't stop crying that way. The harder I tried to comfort him, the harder he cried. He carried on like this so badly, he forced himself to projectile vomit everywhere, then continued to cry as if he was being tortured. I instructed my friend to let her baby sleep in the nursery (while my son wasn't looking) so I could try to calm him. She did, and he eventually settled down--but every time I tried to put him down to play or eat, he just went back to that torturous screaming. This lasted two hours, and I had to hold him in my lap the entire time my friends were visiting. They live 30 minutes away and came all the way to see me, so I wasn't going to ask them to leave right away. But I sat there the whole time realizing the fact that this may be the reality of having two babies, for the next foreseeable future. This haunts me.

I am no longer enjoying my pregnancy when it comes to my older son. Every since that day I've just been so strung out an impatient with him, because I'm starting to realize how spoiled and consistently in need of undivided attention he is. He has become clingy, and its hard for me to get anything accomplished in the daylight hours, because he is more demanding than ever. At 32 weeks, I should be excited, but I just feel depression creeping up on me from behind. I had NO idea that my son would react to a newborn that way, and I die 1,000,000 slow and painful deaths a day just thinking of that kind of meltdown happening every time I try to bond with my new baby. I can't even wrap my head around dealing with that type of tantrum every single day, plus a newborn 24/7. I realized it would be hard having 2 under 2, but not to the point that it could cause a total mental meltdown.

I am losing confidence completely just thinking about it.

What do I do? How do I deal?