Toxic Relationship
Three years ago, I was with a guy who constantly emotionally abused me and used me for sexual pleasure. I was only 15 and he was 18. He called me names and would tell me he'd kill himself if I ever left. He was toxic and it was so hard to leave. I ended up leaving finally my senior year when I was 17 and that's when I met my current boyfriend of two years. But my ex has so much blackmail on me, sexted photos of myself. I know, I shouldn't have done it but he was so manipulative and I was easy prey due to a family death. He used me.. he touched me and I just went with the flow even though I didn't like it. I was scared he'd hurt himself or me. It was hard to say no to him. And when I did, he'd lose it and call up other girls. I'd cry and cry. I'm just scared that he'll do something one day. I mean, he'd tell me he knew where to kill him self, I was so scared.. I was a kid. He'd shame my body if I didn't send exactly what I wanted and caused me to eat less and self harm. I was never good enough for him yet he called it love. I eventually became numb throughout our "relationship". He has really lowered my self esteem and confidence. He was controlling. I know he has weapons, like knives and daggers. I hope he doesn't one day come after me.... He ruined me. I hate him. I can finally say it too.. I know I'm ranting but I have counseling every week and I talk about him because he's the root to my problems. It fucking sucks.. I wish I could erase the pain. I have nightmares about him and I just wish I could do it all over again without the tears and blood I shed for this asshole of a guy.. I'm now 19 and I'm dealing with PTSD, anxiety, depression and bipolar disorder type 2 because of him and what I went through. sorry for the rant, I just needed to post it without anyone knowing who I am. And people think emotional abuse isn't real but it is very real. I've lived through it and it destroys your insides and your mind. Even though he hurt me so much, I'm glad he's still alive and never killed himself...
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