Pregnancy after miscarriage. The normal feelings

We found out our first baby had no heartbeat at 9w6d on August 2. Heartbeat stopped just 3 days prior. I found out we are pregnant again yesterday. I am approximately 4w4ds right now. I will be going in for bloodwork and the history meeting Monday. My first ultrasound is on November 9th. I am scared to death to have a repeat. I just want to hear that beautiful heartbeat and see movement.

However, I feel so much better about this one. I am not hiding it at work. I actually announced it to my department today. Last time I was under so much stress trying to keep it hidden. Not to even mention how many people were cornering me and asking me. I am in a position that I cannot do when pregnant because of the chemicals.

Most people were over the moon for me. One just looked at me and said "Oh that's good I guess." When I told my supervisor, I said that I was going to tell the department today. Also that if I am going to celebrate this baby as long as I am allowed. No smile. No nothing from her. Though her response was, "that's good. Miscarriages are apart of nature." 😠😲 I have issues with this vial woman as is. On my first day back after my miscarriage, I pretty much had a full blown panic attack. Her, and my assistant supervisor, just stared at me. Then had the audacity to say(in a snarky tone), "I have lost a child and she (assitant) has been through what you are going through." Okay. I am sorry she lost her daughter to SIDS 25+ years ago and my assistant had her MC 20+ years ago. I was not even a week past having my world coming crashing down. 😧 My supervisors are real leaders, I tell ya.

Whoa. That went from talking about my anxiety about it to a full on rant. 😂