Please before you reply do not judge... I have already had a hard enough time with what I am about to write. I have this guy friend who I love to death. He literally is my one true best friend. We have know eachother for almost 8 years now and became friends about 4 years ago and have gotten super super close within the last year. I have been there for him when he got out of a three year relationship and he has been there when I got out of a year long one. We have had each others back through many ups and downs. We literally talk everyday about everything we want in life our goals and dreams and he always makes sure to tell me goodmorning and goodnight and that he loves me before he leaves or hangs up.  I am a heavyset girl that not many guys see as anything other than the friend. I'm kind of a tomboy and that mixture tends to end up in me getting friend zoned which I've never had a problem with.  He is really good looking athletic built and your typical playboy many girls want and believe me many have had. I've been his wingman at parties and have helped him even hook up with some of my other friends just for a couple one night stands. He has been talking to someone and I think they might get together but he's not sure. He came to spend the weekend with me on vacation so he could go hunting and through the weekend we did our usual joking around having a couple beers and play fighting. Friday night we were play fighting and it led to him cuddling with me and we were just hanging out. Then Saturday we came back from hunting crawled in bed and started cuddling. He was playing with my hair and rubbing my back (something he has done in the past) and he leaned I. And kissed me. We continued until we eventually " hooked up"... me being inexperienced felt that it went horribly and I was so embarrassed I literally rolled over and tried to sleep not making eye contact. He asked me to cuddle and fell asleep holding me as I silently sat and was panicking. The next morning I woke him up to go hunting and when he left I stayed behind just freaked all day long. I had no idea what to do. When he came home he packed his stuff and told me he was going to visit a buddy before he left town. I haven't heard from him since. I am freaking out to the point I haven't ate since yesterday because I feel sick. I guess I'm just asking for advice on how to handle this situation.