Today we decided to end my pregnancy

Yes you read the tital correct . These past few days / years have been the hardest of my life . I have had 2 missed miscarriages at 12 weeks and 2 early miscarriages . Well in July I was more than over joyed / scared that I was again pregnant . I finally got to 12 weeks I so badly wanted another child a sibling for my daughter .only once I reached 12 weeks I found out I had a 1:49 chance of the baby having downs /Edwards /turners syndrome my heart broke . Although I just wanted a baby ! I took the CVS test it came back positive . What the hell should I do ??? Let me tell you we all can't agree I had dreams for this child and the other 4, I'd lost ...I'm 36 could i ever watch them get married have their own children ? Hold down a job ? Leave home all he things I take for granted ? If I die and my husband who would look after them ? My daughter ??? Would this be fair? This has torn at my heart strings I've even thought could we afford it if I packed up work ? Could my husband cope ? I applaud anyone with these special children who have the strength to carry on . If this test hadn't been used would i have kept my baby yes I would have coped as its the unknown . It's sometimes better off not knowing Friday I give birth to my 15 week old baby girl knowing its me that didn't want her couldn't cope with the what its . I'm going to get some shit from this post it was and is the hardest decision I have ever made and hopefully ever will . I wanted this baby so much yet I was the one who chose her fate . And there won't be a day I will ever forget that xx