I've been trying to be strong and tell my self my time will come. I see friends announcements and cuddle my friends beautiful newborns. But tonight my husband was at a concert and I began to dream about where I would be in my pregnancy if I didn't lose our baby. Would we be painting my bump for a Halloween costume? Would we have paid to have early gender announcement and be doing that? What would I look like, how would I carry. And then in the day dream I dream that I felt your time baby kicks. The dream is short simple and sweet. Innocent what ifs... But today the dream was too much and I sat there and cried. I cried for all the things I didn't get to experience with you inside my belly, and grieved knowing I never got to meet you. Today I will let the sadness of this dream win, and I'll mourn what needs to be mourned. Then tomorrow I will stand taller and stronger and persevere. Because I want nothing more that this hope of a child. My rainbow baby. I will one day be one of those many women I see on their FB posts with big bellies, photo shoots, announcements, and their beautiful new bundles of joy. I will be you, and I will be a stronger mother to my own because I know what it means to lose something you love. Every bit of nausea, uncomfortableness, every kick, wobble, and coo I will cherish. I just haven't made you yet, but don't worry small baby, I'm trying and praying very hard. Ive loved you long before you were created.