😔😔😔

I was put in a situation a while ago where I went over this guys house who was one of my good friends, we had sex before but this was months after and I just went there to hang out. So we are in his room watching drake and josh when all of a sudden he turns to me and starts tickling me. I think nothing of if because as I said before I thought of his a good friend.. then things start to take a turn. He starts pulling my pants down I tell him to stop over and over and he wouldn't at this point my body goes through a state of shock and I can't explain it but then I just stop resisting I told him no over and over and he would not listen.. now he is on top of me and my pants are down and he ends up having sex with me. Months have past and I still think about that day knowing that I did go over there myself and I was in his room I feel like I am to blame but I still have a feeling like I was taken control over in this situation I don't think anyone that hasn't gone through this would understand the feeling of hopelessness because while I did have the chance to get out of it it was like my body was trapped and in shock that he would take advantage of me even after I said no. I just don't know if this is my fault cause I rethink the whole situation to see what I could have done to change the situation but I feel as if I was frozen in time and no matter how much I wanted to get away there was nothing I could do 😔😔