I keep cheating on my boyfriend

I am very depressed and I honestly know I have self worth problems. 

But my boyfriend yells at me often and the conversation usually end with "we are done"

And I always end up drunk somewhere cheating. It makes me feel awful I don't want to lose him. Just sometimes I feel worthless and when your worthless why would you care about your actions but then I come out of my depressit state and I feel awful how do I stop. 

For anyone who questions if my depression is real it is I try to kill my self every year at least once a year for the past 3 year. I rarely leave my bed only on my good days. I battled with self harm in the earlier months of this year. The older I get the worse it gets. I am NOT using it as an excuse cheating is wrong I know this I was just saying I usually do it when I go through low

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UPDATE Nov. 10 (This section not necessary to read)

I am in no way exusing my behavior with depression. A lot of women commenting are saying I am using it as an excuse i am not. They are also saying I can't possibly love him. And "I have depression you can control yourself"

The women who are saying this have you ever attempted suicide have you ever felt so dark and alone (he's all I have I have one child and him no family in my corner) I would rather be out then laying in bed hurting so bad I may end my life. I am not making excuses I was looking for advice on how to handle what I did, and how to maybe even help my mental illness not SLUT SHAMING. So If your going to slut shame please don't comment it ONLY makes me feel more terrible and depressed which is the reason I posted so I could Stop feeling this way.