21 and troubled.
I've been living with PCOS for most of my life. I'm 21 now, and when I was first diagnosed I was 17. At the time, it wasn't a big deal to me, the symptoms were annoying, but manageable. I never took any other precautions or made a step to better myself, because I never deemed it necessary.
Being told that it'll be extrealy difficult, if not impossible to have a child wasn't that life altering. I didn't want children when I was younger, actually children used to repulse me and I never gave it a second thought. I was content with this, until recently. I want a baby, a child to love, nurture, and raise into a beautiful human.
I want a baby so bad I can't stand it, but there are things that stand in my way: my age, my circumstance, and my status.
I'm 21, practically still a child and I'm not sure if this is a proper age to make a decision like this. It could be my hormones, my body going all crazy and demanding something I'll change my mind about in a year or so.
I'm still in college and am no where financially stable or emotionally for that matter, and taking care of a child, when finals are just around the corner would be next to impossible.
I'm single, by choice of course, I just don't have time or the need for a partner right now and having and raising a child alone would be really difficult and possibly lonely. I don't particularly want a paramour, just a baby, but having someone that help me though a challenging time such as raising a child would be far easier.
I tell myself these things over and over, plus the added fact of the difficulty of me even conceiving, but I still can't help the tightening feeling in my gut and the clenching of my heart every time I see a mother with her baby at the mall or hear a child's giggle across the room. I want a baby so bad, and even though I know I'm not in the right place to do so, I can't help this feeling of emptiness and incompleteness.
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