How do I cope with being sexually assaulted?

Question

Last night was one of the worst nights of my life. I was out at a party with friends and had some drinks and I didn't realize that I didn't have my keys to get into my dorm until around 1:30 am. I decided to go back to my guy friends room with him. I've known him for years but I still wanted to set boundaries. I told him I didn't want to do anything at all and that I just needed somewhere to sleep. I woke up to him eating me out and fingering me. I panicked and ran to his bathroom and locked the door. It was 3 am at this point and nobody was awake to come get me. I texted every person I know at my school and finally got a hold of someone. I told the guy to put my clothes outside the bathroom door, my jeans and bra that he had taken off of me, and I waited for him to leave and I ran to my friend.

Today I talked to my RA and she said I should report it but I didn't feel right. I didn't want to ruin his life, get him kicked off the team, and give him a criminal record... even though he may deserve it. Instead I asked her to talk to him for me. She sat down with him and he didn't remember a thing. She said he was really ashamed, but I can't help but feeling like he deserves some consequences.

I can't even look at myself. I don't know how to cope with this. I feel empty and sad and alone and I don't know what to do to feel better. If you're still reading, thank you for caring, and I would really appreciate some feedback, support, or advice

Answer

Just because he doesn't remember anything does not give him a "free pass" on his actions while he was under the influence. He may not remember, but you do and It's something you will have to live with & he shouldn't get to go on as nothing has happened.  Speak up girl. Don't hold back.

Answer

I think you should tell so that hopefully it can prevent it from happening again to someone else. I'm sorry, but if you are coherent enough to take someone's clothes off and finger them and eat them out you know exactly what you're doing. He was ashamed that he got caught, not because he did it. Report him. You didn't do this to him, he did it to himself. These are the consequences he gets for HIS actions.

Answer

First I am so sorry this happened to you. Second you would not be ruining his life, he ruined his own life when he made the choice to touch you not only without your permission  but while you were sleeping. Drunk or not he is responsible for his actions. Also reach out to your schools counseling services and utilize support groups. Allow yourself to feel the pain but do not guilt or shame yourself

Answer

I'm sorry this happened. I know this is odd advice, but if you watch a few episodes of law and order SVU it may actually give you some clarity on how you feel, the fact that none of that was your fault and under no circumstances should you feel ashamed. And while he may say he didn't remember, being drunk or tired or angry or whatever is never an excuse for people to do things like that.

Answer

I had similar things happen to me when I was 12 years old. 
I remember almost nothing because of trauma. 
My parents found out last October about it and we finally reported it. On November 17th, he is pleading guilty to 3 charges. While they are all misdeameanors and he is most likely taking a plea deal, a 60 year old man is getting it hung around his neck and shamed publicly for assaulting a 12 year old girl. 
Do NOT feel bad for ruining his life. Obviously, he had intentions even if he were drunk, he should've been able to control himself. And if he obviously can't, he needs to go down for it. If you need anything, let me know. I will ALWAYS be here for you. And I promise to (virtually) hold your hand through this process. 
Tomorrow I am getting married to the man of my dreams. So please do not think you won't be able to live with yourself day to day. You will make it through this. ❤️

How do I cope with being sexually assaulted?

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