Ok so this is basically a rant...why in the hell is it so hard to get pregnant intentionally? There are a few members of my family who unintentionally got pregnant (none can provide for the ones they have already so they def were not tryin fo anymore)...one of them is pregnant with twins!!! My luck. But here i am able to provide for a bigger family (i have one child...8 yrs old) and i am struggling to intentionally get pregnant...im so greatful for my one and only baby and wouldn't trade her for the world...but i honestly had hoped to be almost done havin kids my now (im 30 and want 3 more babies) my SO is not the father of my current child but he is def her daddy since her bio is no longer on this earth...i feel like im driving myself insane and seening a little desparate to get pregnant that i have almost shut myself out just so i dont have to be around other pregnant ppl...i just dont nor will i ever understand y it's easy to "accidentally" get preggers...i have sobbed in the shower to hide my "desperation"...i feel like the whole tracking CM and positions r causing me to experience things that r not even really going on...im sry for being such a downer for the ppl who read this and have just received their BFP or r about to welcome their babies anyday now...i just long to be pregnant again and go through everything again...i def did not expect there to be such an age gap between my first and second...but sometimes life throws hard balls and changes our life long plans...which is ok...but y curve so much for so long...i just hope to see 2 pink lines soon before i really loose my mind