Before I was pregnant I got diagnosed with manic depression(bipolar) I did take medication for it before I got pregnant then when I did get pregnant I had to come off the tablets at doctors request and then asked me if I wanted an alternative. Things got so much better without them I had episodes now and again but nothing much. I had a c section when my son was born and obviously couldn't do much with him so I felt useless. Now 4 months on I sometimes look at him and he could be staring into my eyes and I just want to hurt him so bad and then burst into tears because he's so beautiful and I'd never ever do anything to harm him. But these thoughts often come and go, I haven't told my partner because he'll panick and I refuse to go to the doctors because I'm scared they'll get social services involved, I'm really upset about all this and just want advice, but I'd never hurt him.