I don't want to work (am I selfish or do I have a point?)

Question

Alright ladies and gents...

Before getting pregnant we had a plan, he works full time and I work part-time (for his company and my Etsy business) like we've been doing for years. Now that I'm pregnant he wants me to get a "real" job.

Obviously I would do anything for my future baby here's the thing... He makes a lot of money, and spends a lot too. Since finding out I'm pregnant he hasn't changed his spending habits and I'm over here saving every penny I get. In the 12 weeks I've been pregnant some things he's bought are upgrades for our hot tub ($1000+), thrown out his year old tablet and bought a new one ($500), upgraded our water softener ($1000) and on average a month he spends $500+ on video games and fancy beers for him and friends. It drives me crazy but he says it's his money.

My other point is in a day I spend about 5 hours working, 1 hour walking the dog, 2 hours min. on cleaning and errands (he doesn't clean) another hour making dinner. That's 9 hours right there, I'm not sure when I'd have time for a job.

I haven't worked for anywhere else but his business and my business for years, I have no references and Idk who would hire a pregnant lady. I said I'd comprise and spend more time on my business. He can't give me a raise.

Am I being selfish? What should I doing as its causing us both stress.

Answer

What I don't understand, is how is it " his money " you live together and bringing a child into this world. There is no HIM !!!! Is our. He is being really selfish. It's going to be real hard for you to get a job, being pregnant. And you guys decided this prior, sobwhy is he changing things up now.

Answer

If he makes a lot of money and was fine with you having those jobs prior to getting pregnant, he's basically insinuating that it's your baby so you need to start making your own money while he selfishly blows his on leisure.

Answer

He shouldn't be spending all that money without consulting you first. My husband and I speak in great detail about big purchases AND we have a joint account. He works full time and I stay at home. You need to improve your communication skills and he needs to respect you enough to make decision WITH you--even if that means waiting for things he wants.

Answer

Fuck him, he seems like an ass. I've been with one of those before. Red flag all the way! 
Note to self: start saving money in a secret stash in case one day you need it. And stack it high you have a little one on the way. Financial abuse is no fucking joke. Piece of shit!

Answer

I don't think you're being selfish, you said you had both planned this before becoming pregnant. It would be one thing if you needed the money, but if he has that much expendable income you shouldn't have to go out and get a full time job right now while pregnant. Plus even though its illegal, people are going to be biased hiring you because they know you'll likely need special treatment and time off.

If you're married or living together, that's crap that its "his" money. Everything my husband and I have is "ours." Plus its his baby too! He should have known he was going to have to change his spending habits when you became pregnant for when baby arrives and he should be glad to do it. Fancy beer and electronics are not necessities, diapers and baby supplies are. If he wasn't willing to make sacrifices, he should've waited to have a child. He doesn't get to be selfish anymore.

I would definitely have a talk with him about his habits and your previous agreement about work. I don't think it's fair at all that he expects you to run out and start a full time job right now, but he refuses to cut back on his spending.

Answer

My husband was a bigger spender than me, but he made good money.....BUT in preparation for our baby he realized there were bigger priorities and greatly reduced his "fun" money.

Maybe you need to type up a budget of what things you need for baby, and another one for first year expenses so he sees he needs to cut back on frivolously spending.

Answer

He needs to stop spending for one. And two idk I clean (mine don't clean either lol) I take care of our two dogs and two cats and 5 year old who had ADHD AND SPD we go to OT once a week plus school and I cook dinner and clean up after then there's bath time and bed time (love bed time lol) he's a great dad and SO I do most of the work around the house he takes care of the out side we BOTH work 40+hours a week and we still find time to sit down at night and watch a show to gether . I just make it work..but he doesn't have a huge spending problem like your husband does though...

Answer

You're not being selfish. You're in a great position to raise your child instead of paying someone else to do it for you while you go to work. Good for you. He may just not realize the expense of having a child enough to cut his spending back yet. I would start talking to him about things you will need for the baby like furniture, car seats, etc. My husband didn't realize either until I dragged him to babies r us to shop for my sister. Now he gets it and has cut his spending way down while we ttc. Our money goes into a joint account, but we each have a weekly allowance. He spends his and I save mine, but we both get to do what we want with it and I feel better knowing there's a stash if I/we need it. Good luck!

Answer

I think it's unfair that the expectation has now changed out of the blue. If you were promised one lifestyle and instead get forced into another because he has a spending problem, I'd be angry about it.

That being said, I have a full time career that often is more than 40 hours a week. I I have a home. A dog. A cat. A husband who works full time. AND 3 kids ages 5 and 3 and 9 months. I get my house clean, take care of the pets, make a homemade dinner each night, and get care for the kids. At 8:30pm everything shuts down for quiet where I can fold laundry, catch up on bad tv, snuggle with my husband, or have a glass of wine. My last pregnancy I had SPD for 20 weeks as well. If I can do it, anyone can, including you.

I don't want to work (am I selfish or do I have a point?)

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