why am i so slow and dumb

my first love told me to runaway with him as families were disagreeing with us but im so dumb and stupid i didnt. I really loved him but didnt have the courage as family was very strict. I got engaged for sake of family .. but still i didnt run away .. why am i stupid .. he got engaged then it really hit me.. why am i so slow ..then he said its too late now!!! now i regret everything .. we both got married to who our family wanted to.. years have gone past and i really miss him not putting my foot down!!!