Can someone just hear me out 😭

I don't even know where to start . I'm just emotionally done. So, today is my SO daughters birthday. Last year they made her a bday party which I wasn't invited to because it was just too soon for everything so I understood that. I haven't seen her or her brother in almost 9 months. Because baby mama doesn't want me around them. And every time my SO is with them it breaks me not being there with them. He says he wishes I was there yet doesn't seem to do anything so that I could be there. Hurts that I'm only part of his life but not his children.😭 I've waited and waited and it's come to the point that I don't have faith that anything will ever change. I hate not been able to be there and not feeling like I'm part of them. Last year before Christmas he didn't even take me to consideration to go with them to buy the gifts. Like I said today is her birthday and he didn't even bother taking me in mind yo see if I wanted to go with him and get her something. It just hurts so bad!! I don't know where this is going. And another thing is there is a chance I might be pregnant. And at this point I'm really considering (if I am) an abortion. I know it sounds bad but, if me and him end up breaking up I don't want anything to keep us united or to keep seeing him. It's just so much stuff at once😭This is definitely not what I imagined. I love him but this is too much. I've waited and waited and done so much and nothing seems to change. I just don't know where I stand in this relationship. 😭😭😭