Hey ladies! I've 35 and been using Glow for months and it's the first time I've made my own post. I'm normally the girl who is overflowing with hope and joy and cheering everyone up and changing lives. I minister and preach myself. I've overcome depression, and now help people conquer it. I overcame lack of love and got married 4 years ago. I overcame poverty and we're now rich and on the way to being permanently wealthy.

However, now I'm really in need of encouragement! I do feel very alone and confused. Yesterday morning I woke up excited. It was 41 days since my last period started and 24 days past ovulation. For being so late, I had all the beginning pregnancy symptoms and I'm super regular so I just knew I was pregnant. The tests weren't popping positive yet but I knew I just needed a few more days for that 2nd line to show up. My mom and I spent the whole day researching about girls who didn't get a positive test until weeks in or even months, and I figured I was the same. I never had my normal debilitating cramping and backache that comes with AF, so I knew this time was different. I've been using Preseed and during my ovulation and last O cycle my hubby took me away for the weekend for our wedding anniversary and we had tons of romantic hotel time, and I just knew a baby was being made.

I even planned out how on Christmas <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">eve</a> I would wear my "ugly sweater" then when it's time to exchange gifts I would take it off to show a custom made T-shirt that says "The Perfect Gift is on the way" with a cartoon baby wrapped up like a gift. We were going to hit up all the family Christmas parties that night and do the announcement.

But all those hopes and dreams came crashing down last night when I started bleeding. I've cried, I've screamed, I've sobbed, I've pondered if life is worth living and I've worried what the heck is wrong with me. I've given up, I've started over, I've served God and preached to a group about His goodness. I've mustered up faith and decided to try one more month. And not sure what I'll do after.

At 35, we've been actively TTC really hard for over a year, but have never used any birth control and not ones to use protection. It just makes me sad all those years we wasted trying not to. When we met I was much younger and healthier, and it feels like most of my child bearing years were robbed away from me and stolen in exchange for stupid concerns about my husband wanting to pay off all our debt first, buy a house first, save up $50,000 first. But why? So we could waste the time doing all that only to spend the money and go into more debt for infertility treatments and have a big huge empty house for a family that never came?! Renting rooms out to annoying roommates just to get use out of the baby's room so it's not haunting us with emptiness like a big barren womb? Trying not to let my husband see me cry throughout the day because I'm running out of excuses and sick of depressing him so frequently. Sick of hearing "just relax, have fun with it, and stop trying so hard and it will happen". Tired of hearing it's not in God's timing. So over hearing that if I just get more physically active it will happen in no time. I'm on my feet about 12 hours a day, how much more do you want? The battle with my weight is a whole other challenge. I was prescribed phentermine but scared it will hurt the baby once conceived. I'm done with hearing just go get your hormones tested. I got denied by insurance so many times, don't have a doctor and don't know where to turn. I'm so sick of this emotional roller coaster. I'm not sure how I can go on like this. Please help.