How to get engaged without my mom

My boyfriend, and I have seriously been talking about getting married in the future, but here is the thing my mom recently passed away. (two months go)

Right now is not the time, but how do I get engaged or married without my mom? (future)

If you would of ask me in Januray, or February of this year I told of said I hope I am engaged by now, but life had other plans. My moms cancer came back; She lost the fight!

I sometimes feel messed up! I want to get married, but sometimes I don't even think about getting married without my mom.

I don't even know what I am suppose to do for Christmas...