So I kinda go thru this strange departures from this guy in the orogrzm he can only ve friends after a year he doesn't see me the sane that I deserve better wtf ever anyways I know I didn't fall in love w him I love and care for him dearly he is s good person we never fought of argue always laughed enjoys the sane things however it is what it is so I'm feeling all butt hurt poor me crap so I hit z meeting it turned out to be 12 step meeting step 10 they were on and I'm glad to have read that step again I realized had I been practicing these principles like I'm supposed to I would not be having such a hard time coping w discomfort and feelings I learned by not taking my inventory on s nightly basis and giving it all to god gibing smdnds to when. Jd where needed fir whatever my part was during the day I would be holding bagged up garbage of fear angers stress  etc which lead to emotional hangovers and screwed with my head in thinking what's wrong w me I don't like me and taking my will back putting my self worth onto another I was self seeking my happy was the approval of a man being wanted and needed feeling took over and I'm not okay anymore so what I learned that I really need to keep up with my program and not take my will back allowing god to put what is in my life as should be or I will come out of remission and be sick again go to meetings speak w your sponsor step ten on a daily basis service work I get it now doesn't mean I have to like it but I'm willing and surrender once again