what to do...........

Question

I've been with my man for almost 3 years now. We are 19, will be 20 in a couple of months. I am currently extremely conflicted on whether I should leave, or stay. I want to do what's best... but I really need insight. 
We have both been trough so much in this relashionship. I'm his first everything, but he isn't my first anything. I love him very much but it's been getting so hard to deal with my inner control freak, and his recent decisions. 
The reason I'm saying this is because he's 19, and his parents want him to go to college (which they will pay for) but he's nowhere near motivated to continue his education. Instead, he spends his time trying to buy expensive car parts, and speeding out in the streets. Yesterday, he came to me with the news that he got a car, which he will be paying for the next 5 YEARS. (it's $16,000). The problem with this is that he already has a car. It's in the shop and he's owing $3,000 to the shop for modifications he requested. So now he has 2 cars, and there would be no problem with that except for the fact that he's working at a $10 per hour job, and I can already hear people telling me "let him do what he wants etc", but how can I? I'm not with him to pass the time. When I'm with someone, I'm looking to the future. This is only the tip of the iceburg, and honestly, We're young, I love him, but that's the only reason I'm still with him. I'm not in love, but I love him. We have a lot of history, but is it worth it..? I've countlessly tried talking to him about his irresponsibility (smoking weed, racing in the streets, spendig money he doesn't have, not saving money, not caring about his future...) but he dismisses me as being "controlling" or judging him. What should I do...?

Answer

Sounds like you're only staying with him because you've been with him for a while. If you don't like the decisions he's making and if he isn't interested in the future or even entertaining you with your thoughts of the future then leave him.
I told my fiancé before we got engaged that if he wants to keep spending money he needs to get a job, so he got one. Once he was earning he realised he was wasting his money. He stopping spending so much. We are both interested in the long run and once we decided to start trying to get pregnant he stopped wasting money whatsoever. I didn't even have to tell him. Apart from when he buys me things (it's so hard to tell him off because he buys really sweet things) he's saving like a troopa.
I talked to him once. And it put his mind in line with mine. Now I don't need to talk to him about it. He was never irresponsible like your boyfriend, doesn't even drink. And if he ever started doing drugs or wasting money on cars and mods he doesn't need I'd tell him to stop or I leave. No I'm not his wife and even if I was just his gf of two weeks I'd be saying the same thing. You're in a relationship with him but he's in a relationship with debt. If I was you I'd be giving him the boot.

Answer

Well..I'm in the same boat. I've been with my man for nine years. I love him, we've been through so much, but his decisions are rash and reckless. He says he loves me, wants to get married, have children, etc etc. I believe he wants to be that man for me and Lord knows I want him to be. His actions do not match his words though. Thursday I have to make the hardest decision I have ever made this far. I'm leaving him because while our goals match, he isn't taking the steps to become a responsible adult.
No one can tell you what to do. I can tell you this, you cannot change someone. And there's no fixing problems with someone who doesn't see a problem with their actions. Some people are not meant to stay in your life. They're either a lesson or a blessing.
Best of wishes.

Answer

You are not his wife and have no right to tell him what to do in regard to his time, his job, his money, or his education.

That being said, I would recommend you tell him how you feel without making ultimatums like "I can't stay with you unless you..." or "If you don't... Then I'll..."

When this relationship began, you were children. You are now in the formative years of your adulthood. If you want this relationship to survive the major changes coming in both your lives and personalities, you will find yourself often having to seek the advice of older people in your life. That advice will nearly always be "Ask yourself, will this matter on 5 years?" "Instead of looking at what he can change to make the situation better, look at what you can change to make yourself more content with the situation."

what to do...........

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