very hard night

Had to go to say my final goodbye tonight to one of my friends that passed away, and at the same time I'm dealing with a break up. He's the only man that I want and love, the one I want to spend my life with, and for some reason he's the one that I can't have. After almost two years that's it. And both of these at the same time. Life can be cruel sometimes. I don't know what to do 😔