second baby and detached feelings

Hey guys! Sorry this is kinda long and please don't judge me! So I have an 18 month old little girl that is my absolute world. I love her so much. A month ago, my husband and I found out were expecting another baby. This baby wasn't planned and was a complete and total surprise. And naturally at first I felt a little stressed and unhappy about the new pregnancy. I kept thinking "how am I going to love another baby as much as my first" and can't imagine loving anyone else that way. Which I have been told by multiple people multiple times that you do love them both equally. But here I am 9 weeks and I saw the heartbeat for the first time and I still don't really feel anything for this baby yet. I feel like such a bad mom and I know it's not the babies fault or anything, but I sometimes can't help but feel that having a miscarriage would be a relief. We were just not ready for another baby (and yes I know we should have used protection. I'm very aware). But my husband and I weighed the risks and decided if I got unexpectedly pregnant it would be fine. But now that I am pregnant, I have such mixed feelings. Well, today I thought I was having a miscarriage so I went to the ER. They did an abdominal ultrasound and at first I did not see a heartbeat and I automatically felt distraught, not relief. And then they found a good strong heartbeat and I did feel relief, but still am having the detached feelings. I'm hoping that once I start showing and feeling movement that things will be different. How did you ladies feel about your unexpected pregnancy? Did it get better towards the end?