Controlling husband? please read if you have time.

Question

Lately I've been thinking and I was just wanting some opinions about this. I've been married for over a year and my husband and I are 19. Anyways I've always noticed a few things about him that was different from when we dated. He always wants to know who texted me (for example, my mom would text me "whatcha doin?" He would say "who texted you?" I would say my mom and then he'd asked what she said.) He'd also want to know who called if anyone called me. But he doesn't really go through my phone because there's no reason to. 
He would always be a little demanding. 
I get migraines a lot so warm baths always help me. I would tell him that I'm gonna take a bath and relax for a bit and he always tells me to hurry up or don't take too long. It's annoying sometimes. Plus taking a bath or shower is the only time I have to myself other than him going to work. 
He doesn't let me see my friends. Before I met him, I had the most amazing best friend. She was there for me through everything in my life and we've been friends since preschool. Well I still hung out with her and had sleepovers with her when my husband and I were dating. After we got married he wouldn't want me to hang out with her because "he didn't like her" so I haven't seen her in a few months and I miss her terribly. He also doesn't let me see my family much and they live in the same city. But when I do hang out with my family, it's when he's at work or if there's was a party or the holidays then he'd be with me. 
He says he doesn't mind if I hang out with them but I'm always afraid he'd get mad if I did when it was his day off work or something. 
We only share one car for right now but we go everywhere together so I never get to go anywhere by myself and if it is then it's rarely.

Almost every time we argue he will call me a bitch or say I'm being bitchy. It just really hurts. I've never called him names. The last time we had a big argument it was over me telling my mom that I was going to babysit my niece for a bit. He got mad because I didn't ask him if I could babysit and he called me a cunt. I started crying. After our arguments he always apologizes for calling me a bitch. 
He always wants me to ask him for permission to do something or at least ask him before I do something because he wants "respect" and he feels "respected that way."

He's never put his hands on me on purpose but there has been a couple of accidents but it wasn't serious. I just don't know what to do.

Answer

Walk away now. This guy is showing all the signs of being abusive to you. This will get worse!

Answer

Rest of response:

I went through some of these things with my husband when we were very young, (we started dating at 17/18, married at 21/22, now we are 24/25 and it's not perfect but we've learned a TON) this behavior of his didn't really go away until we talked through it, both sides made compromises, and I was INCREDIBLY clear about my personal boundaries that would not budge. He didn't like my best friend either, now they love each other and he knows how she supports me. He didn't understand why I wanted to hang out with my family all the time (his family is not like that) but I couldn't budge on giving up my time with them as that would break one of my core values.

You are allowed to set boundaries in a relationship. Ideally this would have happened before you got married, but here you are and he married you for a reason, which I hope is because he loves you. Some marriages can't withstand the weight of boundaries and that is okay, but they are absolutely necessary for living a happy healthy life. Without a divorce you've probably got 80 years left with this man, and while pouring the foundation and putting up the walls of your marriage is no small or easy task, you will never regret it (ESPECIALLY when you have kids)

Hope this helps!!

Answer

I think your gut feeling is right. The whole prying about your texts can be overseen but it's a whole other level when you're afraid to hang out with loved ones out of fear of him. I won't tell you what to do because everyone has different views on marriage but  know if it was me I'd handle that ASAP.

Answer

Leave. He's controlling, and it's only going to get worse with time. There will come a day when he WILL hit you, I guarantee it. Don't wait around for that to happen.

Answer

Since you guys are so young neither of you have had a chance to really figure out your boundaries in a relationship.

It sounds like you guys need to set some ground rules and boundaries in place. Now are you afraid of him in a physical way? Or are you afraid he'll be upset because that's a BIG difference.

Make a list of these things and sit down at the kitchen table (so it feels more serious) to talk. When you are talking be EXTREMELY calm. The moment you get overly emotional you lose your effectiveness to communicate with him. Lay it all out and let him know the things that aren't working for you and how you feel.

Use this formula "when you do ______, it makes me feel like _______" the way someone's actions make you feel is something that can not be refuted he can't say "I didn't make you feel that way" because you're citing a specific action (something he knows he does) and a feeling. Feelings are irrefutable because they belong solely to the beholder.

He wants to be and feel respected but respect is a 2 way street. After all of this is calmly laid out don't expect him to come up with solutions- ask him, "what solutions can we come up with together, because the current situation isn't working for me" and he will either help you make changes and you'll work on your marriage as equally respected partners or you will have a more definitive answer and be able to make an educated decision to seek professional help or a divorce if necessary.

Answer

It might be a good idea to find a counselor you can talk things through with. A local women's help center should have affordable or free services for at least an initial appointment.

Answer

Find a back bone and tell him what you want just like he's telling you what he wants. The longer you let him have his way the less you'll have your own way. Nip it in the bud before it's too late.

Answer

He does sound controlling and abusive. If I were you I would get your ducks in a row so that you can leave. You may want to try couples counseling first, but something tells me he probably wouldn't go for that. Don't live your life this way though. If you tell him how you feel about his behavior and how you demand respect, and he doesn't take it into consideration, then you only have one other option. Respect should be mutual. He shouldn't be restricting your friends and family,calling you names,telling you what you can and cannot do, etc. you are an adult and he is not your father or your owner.

Answer

You want a husband or a 3rd parent?!
You're way too young and obviously he's insecure and immature.

Answer

Wait, he gets physical on accident? That is not accidental. He is abusive, seek individual help.

Controlling husband? please read if you have time.

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