I am not looking for a pity party as I know that many have been on this journey much longer than my husband and I. If anything this post is just to create conversation and continue to support each of us along this journey. My husband is 35 and I am 33, we are trying to have our first child. My journey is far from over, as we want more than one child and have even discussed adoption. Adoption simply because we know how many children are placed in foster care that deserve to be brought into a loving, caring family.

Here is a list of what I think the top 10 things that I’ve done, thought and even learned about in the past 9 months of trying to conceive.

1. How I would spend way more money with this process than I ever thought (opk’s, bbt thermometers, pregnancy tests, pre-natal vitamins, primrose oil, preseed, chocolate, other coping gifts, and the list goes on). Might I suggest an adult coloring book, they have done wonders for me.

2. I have a great amount of drive. When I want something, my perseverance to never give up kicks in. My biggest dream has always been to birth a child. This dream will live out, who knows when, but it will live out. Obviously not when I want, but when the time is right (I have to keep telling myself this).

3. I will never understand the rationale behind having to wait a year before a fertility doctor is willing to see me, or let alone my own OBGYN (outside of annuals) to discuss possible conception complications. Side note: I’ve been with my husband for 10 years, 15 months of which we have been marriage; this is something we have been set on wanting. This I believe is not fair!

4. How anyone can “accidentally” get pregnant with how slim the window to conceive actually is. Never will I understand.

5. How my inaccurate thoughts of getting pregnant soon after starting to attempt to conceive. If 2016 wasn’t my year to get pregnant or even have a child (or maybe it is, AF may show her ugly self late next week/early the week after), maybe 2017 will.

6. How much of this is out of my control, or so it seems. I keep wondering if there is something “wrong” with my husband or me.

7. When will I finally be able to announce to my husband that I am pregnant, that we are pregnant? My announcement to him is football related (that leaves me until February) and I made it in August.

8. How I go back and forth between wanting a boy, wanting any gender, to oh shit if I am pregnant this month it will probably be a girl. Don’t get me wrong, I will be happy with either, but I have always wanted a boy first.

9. I am very in touch with my emotions and how to regulate emotions while still allowing myself to feel them…this has been the hardest for me as this has been more than an emotional rollercoaster. With this, addressing the emotions of jealousy, happiness, and anger when someone seemingly gets pregnant at the drop of a hat. The emotional toll of people asking me if we are having kids, why we have not had kids yet, or even if I am going to get pregnant this year. Yes, all of them plus other question have been asked to me.

10. The love I have for my husband has grown tremendously. I always knew that my love for my husband would continue to grow, but this is far more than I imagined. I can hardly wait to see how our love grows when we do bring a child into this world.

~*Baby Dust*~