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raped young

My best friend is 2 years older than me and he raped me and we had broken up at the time my best friend and I dated but broke up he came to my house one night drunk and abused me and raped me I'm a mess and on anxiety meds he told me it's my fault and I was asking for it I'm 17 and I'm in fear for my life

(I moved out when I was 16 my parents both died and I live with my grandmother who was asleep at the time she's older and has Alzheimer's and can't hear so she wouldn't have done anything)

Does anyone have any advice I didn't go to the police or anything because he said I made it all up and if I say anything he will claim I'm crazy

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