how to infiltrate BDSM into my reg sex life?

Question

So, I'm SUPER into BDSM, but my longterm boyfriend & I have had trouble fitting it into our regular sex life. It just feels kind of... Awkward. Like he's not 100% sure what to do. I feel like that's normal, because him being controlling in our relationship outside of sex doesn't happen as he's not controlling, so I can understand why he finds it hard to assume the roll of a Dom, but I really want it to work. He's all for trying, we just don't seem to be quite succeeding, if that makes any sense. So, would you ladies have any recommendations on how we could better this part of our sex life?

Answer

I'm in exactly the same situation

Answer

It sounds like your guy isn't an alpha. The best Doms, in my opinion, are alphas.  There is stuff all over the web about what constitute a good alpha and how they should act but the most important aspect is alphas maintain their hygeine, they are responsible, they want you to trust them, and they are wise enough to make decisions for both of you if it comes down to it. They don't want to control you but they want to provide for you and treat you like the treasure you are by beingthe best they can be.

If your guy isn't an alpha, that's ok. He can still be a Dom, you just have to limit it to the bedroom.  Instead of calling you degrading names(something I personally hate) have him call you "pet" or "treasure" or "my good little girl".  Those are my favorites. Instead of ordering you to get on your knees, have him say, "Now be a good little girl and get on your knees for me please." Don't be bratty just say "yes sir." Instead of having him throw you down on the bed, have him scoop you up gently and lay you on the bed then press his weight down on top of you.  It gives the same pooling heat below. He can be a Dom without controlling you.

If you wanna be spanked or bit, ask nicely and have him start gently and ask for it harder and moan so he knows you're enjoying it.  It sounds like you should also tell him to tease you for a good 15 min before letting you cum. Tell him not to stop no matter how much you beg. Then when you're about to cum, ask for permission to cum and then as you orgasm, say "thank you sir.". D/s is more about reapect than degradation. Degradation is actually an entirely different fetish, one your BF might not be comfortable with.

Answer

Communication is key. Tell him what you like and don't like. Tell him what you want. And ask him what he wants.

how to infiltrate BDSM into my reg sex life?

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