Am I wrong?

Question

My boyfriend is a really hard worker, graduated college in June and loves me like crazy, I know that. Tonight he went out with a friend and is barely getting home (2:30am). He texted me at 7pm and I didn't hear from him until an hour after I sent a text saying "tell me you're alive" I'm not just being clingy, he never stays out this late and he works early in the morning. I was diagnosed with PTSD/anxiety and he knows this; I'm not just trying to make an excuse for my feelings. I worried that he wasn't okay and him not replying made it so much worse. My question is, is it wrong of me to be mad at him? I'm only mad at the fact that he couldn't take 30 seconds to text back and that he knows I worry..

Please be nice. I'm really just upset and don't want to vent this all out to him while I'm still upset.. thank you

Answer

Yeah and no.
You're wrong for being upset when he was out with a friend , my husband hardly ever checks his phone when he's out having a day for himself. It would be wrong of me to get mad he's not glued to his phone while out with friends.

No you're not wrong because everyone has feelings. It's normal to worry about someone.

You guys need to discuss prior to him going out with friends if he needs to check in with you or not that way this can be avoided and he will know he needs to let you know he's okay.

Answer

I don't care what anybody says you have the right to be upset. It's not like he just left for a couple hours. He was out till 2:30 he could of easily at least sent you a text saying hey I'm on the way home when he left. My husband goes out with friends everyonce in a while and he knows I worry because he has a tendency to drink to much sooo he always at least will text me letting me know when he's leaving where ever they went

Answer

Sorry you had a stressful night! I also have severe anxiety and I know how ridiculous it is when people say "just don't be anxious".  Like it's a switch we can flip? Yeah right lol

I would say to try and do things on his nights out to ease your mind.  Can you go out with friends? Can you watch a movie, take a bath, something?

Once you get to a point where you get used to him going out you should feel better.

I was horrible when I was new in my relationship with my now husband but honestly it's a non issue now. Balance between him giving me reasonable assurances without me raining on his night out.  The other pieces I have to own.

You can get through this!

Answer

I don't think that you're wrong for worrying but I do think that having a discussion with him so that he fully understands your needs is the fair thing to do. My husband of almost 18 years definitely takes his phone and calls and texts when he's out. He doesn't do it because I worry or because I asked him to. He does it because he doesn't want me to even start to worry and he's considerate enough to want to make sure that I'm having a great time as well. Now did he think like this when we were in our 20s.... definitely not (neitherdid I) but over time with communication then we both know what will keep us both happy. Neither of us allow things or people ahead of our feelings for one another. I never understood those people who have a need to check out of their relationship for a short while. No point in trying for forever if you need a break once a month.

Answer

No youre completely right. Thats what it means to be in a committed relationship. You communicate. My husband knows I have PTSD and Im worried if hes not home when he was supposed to be. And ya know what - he calls me! Hes with his friends and its passed midnight and theyre going to go to McDonald's and he calls me to let me know! Thats how a committed relationship is supposed to be. Youre a team. You never have to "be ok" with something because "thats just how guys are". Like no. It doesnt make you crazy for wanting to be updated!

Answer

This may be why he never goes out with friends.... don't get mad at him for the one time he tries to do something without you.

Answer

You are not wrong for being mad, but honestly after he replied you should be fine :) I am the same way, if my husband doesn't reply me, I worry like crazy and imagine the worst scenes ever... can't do anything with myself... I try not to blame him for that, but I don't think I can't do anything with being so worried, cuz I've been like that ever since I can remember myself

Answer

Don't listen to these girls. You have the right to make sure he's alive. I call them "pulse checks" with my husband. I don't need a long update. Just a text saying "I'm still out, still alive." It's polite. ESP if you're waiting for them and nervous due to how late it is.

Answer

My husbands the same way when out! Loud music, people talking he doesn't hear or look at his phone cuz he's having a good time! I get the worry I do but you can't be mad that he didn't maybe hear his phone the second you texted. You're just gonna have to distract yourself from the worry he's not ok and have faith he is.

Answer

Welcome to the world of men . We truly are different creatures.  My husband and I don't text much . We used to,  in part because of my insecurity,  but I haven't felt the need or want to and I actually feel better.  We also set a "curfew " that way if one of us goes out we are home at an appropriate time and no one needs to worry ... I understand what you're saying..especially late at night . Set up a time to call or for him to be home , explain how stressed this makes you when he doesn't communicate and see if you guys can meet half way .

Am I wrong?

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